Hello Laur,
Welcome! Wow, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I am sorry to hear how rough things are, but am glad to hear that your husband is receiving professional support. How about you? Where are you getting support? Does the VA have a support group for spouses that are dealing with similarly difficult issues? Getting yourself connected with a group of local women and face-to-face on a regular basis seems like it would be a huge help.
Your husband's commitment to work on himself is super important. Many people with BPD do not acknowledge or take responsibility for working on their behavior, so amidst your challenges, you've got that big thing going for you.
Keep up the reading, and take a look at the resources on the right. With study and practice, many of us have found that we can sometimes diminish, avoid, or at least prepare for rages, but all we can control is our own behavior, so while we do often get payback for our efforts, we try to remember not to take more than our share of the responsibility. Understanding the patterns, getting better at seeing things coming, and learning what makes them better or worse has helped me to feel more in control, calmer, and more effective. In addition to eggshells, you might consider reading "Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder," by Shari Manning.
Best wishes for progress and peace
Please keep us posted!
