When is the best time to raise the issue of maybe she has psychological problems

[PapaUk100]

I firmly believe my wife has BPD.

She used to have counselling for post traumatic stress disorder but that stopped perhaps 3-4 years ago. She sometimes talks about going back to counselling but I know she would regard that as a defeat.

If I were to raise matters with my wife about seeking psychological help is it better to mention it when she is in one of her depressive rages or mention it when she is "normal" and risk her flying into a rage which would last for hours?

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[JoeBPD81]

Hi, PapaUK

That's not an easy question, each person has their own particularities.

One thing that has helped me, is change you/we/I NEED help, with you/we/I deserve help. Also, the help is not to fix you, but to give you more tools to feel happy (new or just forgotten).

Here you have a nice post about it:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-to-get-borderline-into-therapy

Good luck!

[Pedro]

Hey there,
Welcome to this site & sorry your relationship has brought you here. Without a medical diagnosis, you have to be quite confident & sure sure she has BPD or enough traits of the condition to approach her with this. From my own learning here & my exgf BPD you have to be wary of their response & reaction to you doing this. Most BPD's will feel shame, embarrassment, & abandonment with being confronted with this.
Perhaps read more or seek advice or experiences from staff other members & links provided here.
Pedro

[Tattered Heart]

My H will not get help and the few times that I attempted to get him help, he felt like I was treating him like he was crazy or that I just wanted to put a label on him.

I agree with Pedro in that the approach might help. Many times people with BPD don't even realize that they are suffering because their emotions fuel their perception. So when they are angry, they are angry, but after that feeling is gone, then life is ok again. They don't see the need for help because they aren't feeling bad.

I read something recently that the majority of people with BPD never get treatment. The ones who are more likely to get help tend to be those who are in and out of hospitals for SI.

Sometimes people can get their pwBPD into counseling by first beginning with marriage counseling. The marriage counselor will see the symptoms of BPD and suggest individual counseling, but that's assuming the non will be able to express their concerns openly in marriage counseling.