ex husband has BPD

[Grace Seeker]

55 years old. Married for 33 years. Divorced a year in June. We are still involved by shared business dealings. Everything is my job according to him. It feels like I am being forced to do it all while he blames me and pleads poor poor pitiful him. I am to blame for everything... .from his conflicted and strained relationship with our children to his perception of how "I have abandoned him, leaving him to do all the work. Logic is not working. Its a joke and yet I still keep trying to explain the "truth". He spent all of our lives appreciating me, which kept me working working working. I thought it was a phase when he started being more crazy after taking chantex to quite smoking in 2006. We have such cool kids that didn't ask for us... .we asked for them and I just couldn't break up the marriage even when he cheated in 2001 because he would then have them to him self... .exposing them to ? He cheated again in 2011, found out in 2013. It was over. Last kid graduated from HS that year. soo... .He had a terrible sociopathic father and a paranoid manic mother. At 23 when we married, I was a new college grad with a degree in clinical psychology and another degree in organizational communication. I knew there were issues but as a stupid kid... .I thought I could get up and on that.  haha  I have my own issues for sure.  My cup was very full and I could do it.  Can we all say co-dependent?  He knew what he was doing to pick me. He used me pretty bad. Our problems danced well together. It takes two and all... .

We have been very successful in business, each having our own separate businesses since we were 25.  We worked very well together as partners to accomplish so many great things over all those years. Lots of financial success. He has always been a screamer and verbally crazy... .I have learned over the last three years, with lots of counseling (she just told me that she thinks he is a true BPD), that he is indeed never gonna stop and that I am enabling him to continue his behavior. We have three children that are now adults, two in college, one has graduated. They are so successful and truly wonderful. He was so open to improving his parenting when we were together and was open to all of that... .going to counseling many times.  Each therapist would say that we had the best communication as a couple that they had ever seen.  This is probably too much info for a first post. I am making progress in all of this, but, I think I can benefit from this kind of communication. I'm now in a very healthy loving relationship with a great guy for the last 18 months.  We are Barbie and Ken. I love him very much and he loves me too. We do not have any of the issues I had with my ex or he had with his. He was married to his ex for 33 years also. The bottom line is... .I need to get rid of my ex.  Having trouble cutting it out.  Need direction beyond just "get rid of him"... .it is so complicated.  I am so busy so I won't be able to respond until later tonight. *thanks in advance!

[Turkish]

This might be better suited to the Learning Board, https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=27.0

However,  you posted to Co-Parenting. It's there a risk here in conflict with your children given that you've moved on into a new r/s? Or is this more about detaching from your ex in order to move on with your life healthily?

T