1.Autism 2.Therapy/BPD 4.Cancer 5. ...

[beth8715]

Well, I am trying this message board for the first time, so, let's see how it goes.

Autism: My brother, who is 26, has Autism. My brother is an extremely important person in my life and has shaped most of it- I am a special education teacher. Sometimes, I feel like I have a known purpose but sometimes I feel sad/angry that my whole life has been about my brother.

Therapy: I decided to go to individual therapy for the first time two years ago (I am 30). Through this process, my therapist and I determined my Mom had BPD. I had never heard of it before and was (may still be) in denial about this diagnosis. I thought it was always my fault, it had to be me! I started reading this book my therapist recommended "Stop Walking on Eggshells." Don't judge but it took me a couple months to finish reading it. Through this process I started to realize that this diagnosis had to be real, my childhood was so similar to what the book was talking about. Therapy was a HUGE awakening but sometimes I wish I did not know. My therapist I started with left and I quit individual therapy, I am in group therapy to help with anxiety/depression... .TMI?  

Cancer: A month into therapy, a wedding on the way, dealing with my mom's BPD diagnosis (which I can not talk about with my family at all), my brother was diagnosed with Leukemia. I mean, what the hell? I had so many thoughts and feelings, some of which I felt were super selfish, like this is my wedding time or just when I started to work on myself. My mom's whole world revolves around my brother, Leukemia has made it even more so. I am trying to give enough background to explain where I am at now- over a year later.

... .I feel very guilty because I do not want my life to revolve around my brother anymore and I get very tired of trying to manage my Mom and Dad without showing too many emotions. I do not understand how I am suppose to take care of myself and enjoy my marriage (great guy) and life without feeling guilty or worrying about what my parents are going to do/say if I make the wrong move. I guess seeing other people's experiences will be helpful for me.

Sorry if this was way too much info and thank you so much for your time.

[Turkish]

I get very tired of trying to manage my Mom and Dad without showing too many emotions.

It isn't your job to manage your parents.  They are adults,  so are you,  free to manage your own life. This is a role reversal.  They are parents,  you are the child, though grown-up. You've struggled with this role reversal your whole life, yes?

My son was diagnosed with ASD-1, what they used to call Asperger's . What level is your brother? I can imagine that whatever level,  your parents may be making a bigger deal about it than what it is.  How is your relationship with him apart from your parents?