Well, I am trying this message board for the first time, so, let's see how it goes.
Autism: My brother, who is 26, has Autism. My brother is an extremely important person in my life and has shaped most of it- I am a special education teacher. Sometimes, I feel like I have a known purpose but sometimes I feel sad/angry that my whole life has been about my brother.
Therapy: I decided to go to individual therapy for the first time two years ago (I am 30). Through this process, my therapist and I determined my Mom had BPD. I had never heard of it before and was (may still be) in denial about this diagnosis. I thought it was always my fault, it had to be me! I started reading this book my therapist recommended "Stop Walking on Eggshells." Don't judge but it took me a couple months to finish reading it. Through this process I started to realize that this diagnosis had to be real, my childhood was so similar to what the book was talking about. Therapy was a HUGE awakening but sometimes I wish I did not know. My therapist I started with left and I quit individual therapy, I am in group therapy to help with anxiety/depression... .TMI?
Cancer: A month into therapy, a wedding on the way, dealing with my mom's BPD diagnosis (which I can not talk about with my family at all), my brother was diagnosed with Leukemia. I mean, what the hell? I had so many thoughts and feelings, some of which I felt were super selfish, like this is my wedding time or just when I started to work on myself. My mom's whole world revolves around my brother, Leukemia has made it even more so. I am trying to give enough background to explain where I am at now- over a year later.
... .I feel very guilty because I do not want my life to revolve around my brother anymore and I get very tired of trying to manage my Mom and Dad without showing too many emotions. I do not understand how I am suppose to take care of myself and enjoy my marriage (great guy) and life without feeling guilty or worrying about what my parents are going to do/say if I make the wrong move. I guess seeing other people's experiences will be helpful for me.
Sorry if this was way too much info and thank you so much for your time.
