I have been going to therapy

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hey guys i have not been on this site for a while but i wanted to check in and let you guys know i have had some major revelations.

Sadly I got involved with another girl after my BPD ex who had quite a lot of issues too and it didn't go too well. Some of it was caused by me some by her but overall it was a damaging and sad experience again.

I decided that i really really needed help and this time, thank god I finally found a GOOD therapist who saw the true extent of my issues and he has been helping me so much.

It turns out, get this... .I have a fear of intimacy. Yes, ME. I mean... .wow that took some time to accept but now, i totally see it. I push-pulled with my BPD ex and this new girl so much.

We are working on my guilt and shame issues too and becoming the man i want to be.

Also i have maintained a friendship with my BPD ex for the past 3 months, with no arguments, and supporting each other too. She isn't capable of giving support all the time and still battles her own demons but that's ok. I have let go of wanting anything from her.

So just to let you guys know it gets better, be proactive in your recovery because it's so easy to become stagnant. But if you really try, change is possible.

[Infern0]

Hey guys i have not been on this site for a while but i wanted to check in and let you guys know i have had some major revelations.

Sadly I got involved with another girl after my BPD ex who had quite a lot of issues too and it didn't go too well. Some of it was caused by me some by her but overall it was a damaging and sad experience again.

I decided that i really really needed help and this time, thank god I finally found a GOOD therapist who saw the true extent of my issues and he has been helping me so much.

It turns out, get this... .I have a fear of intimacy. Yes, ME. I mean... .wow that took some time to accept but now, i totally see it. I push-pulled with my BPD ex and this new girl so much.

We are working on my guilt and shame issues too and becoming the man i want to be.

Also i have maintained a friendship with my BPD ex for the past 3 months, with no arguments, and supporting each other too. She isn't capable of giving support all the time and still battles her own demons but that's ok. I have let go of wanting anything from her.

So just to let you guys know it gets better, be proactive in your recovery because it's so easy to become stagnant. But if you really try, change is possible.

[Skip]

I just got in it's 4am sorry im drunk but i have to tell the truth

so i went to town with a girl i had a "crush" on for a while she broke up with her bf a few days ago then we went back to hers and hooked up.

my head is in a spin now because she put pics of us all over social media and my BPD ex will see that

I remember your ex reaching out to you, you met another girl who was rebounding, and... .

What happened in these last 8 weeks... .

[Infern0]

I remember your ex reaching out to you, you met another girl who was rebounding, and... .

What happened in these last 8 weeks... .

BPD ex didnt react badly to it at all just told me to be careful and that she would be there for me as a friend.

I had a 6 week relationship with the new girl but it didn't work out, i checked into therapy 3 weeks ago because i realized i was in another bad rs and we broke up last week.

[Skip]

Curious - why do you only come here when the wheels come off the wagon? Not a judgement or criticism. When you are in the relationship and things are going veering on the track, others can help you will perspective, tools, and/or a place to let the air out of your frustration.

So what happened with the rebound. You hooked-up within 72 hours of her breakup and while you and your ex where flirting with another recycle. Then?

[once removed]

It turns out, get this... .I have a fear of intimacy. Yes, ME. I mean... .wow that took some time to accept but now, i totally see it. I push-pulled with my BPD ex and this new girl so much.

i suspect when a therapist sees this and helps you to see it, youre in a good place.

fear of intimacy tends to be unconscious and not at all intuitive, but it plays a big role in who we choose and remain with as partners.

i hope youll share what youre learning about it, and process, with members in a separate thread. id love to join in.

[Infern0]

Curious - why do you only come here when the wheels come off the wagon? Not a judgement or criticism. When you are in the relationship and things are going veering on the track, others can help you will perspective, tools, and/or a place to let the air out of your frustration.

So what happened with the rebound. You hooked-up within 72 hours of her breakup and while you and your ex where flirting with another recycle. Then?

I think there is a bit of judgement and criticism in there, lets be honest.

Regardless things went well with the rebound girl who i had know for over a year, however it destabilised after only a couple of weeks and got bad from there.

TBH i like to check in here from time to time but I haven't found much help specific to my situation on here in the past. Many are in recovery themselves so probs not gonna get much help.

but not a concern i wont post here anymore!

[Reforming]

Hi Inferno

Good from to hear from you again and well done for getting into therapy.

It sounds like you have already gained a lot of insight.

Going to therapy takes guts and humility but it's a great investment in yourself.

I'm sorry that your recent relationship didn't work out but from what you said it wasn't healthy for either of you.

It's positive that it didn't drag on and that it gave you the impetus to start therapy.

Good luck and thanks for sharing

Reforming

[marti644]

Hi Inferno,

I just wanted to say I am very happy to hear that you are talking to someone. For me, putting the focus on my issues was the best decision I have ever made. It's like investing in a strong, well-built foundation  on solid ground for a sturdy, long lasting home. For many years I kept trying to build that  foundation on sand.

I look forward more to hearing about your progress.

Take care of yourself my friend.

marti

[Skip]

I haven't found much help specific to my situation on here in the past. Many are in recovery themselves so probs not gonna get much help.

Not a criticism.

My point wasn't "don't post here", rather, why not use this bpdfamily to help you when you are in the relationship rather than primarily as a place to go when things break down?  

There was a short (2015) time when you did post on "Improving". But most of the topics were ":)eciding" topics. Here is the list:

• Almost one month update,  doing well.
• Circular arguments/being invalidated
• Codependent/BPD relationships will never work
• first recycle,  gonna see how it goes.
• Girlfriends EX threatening suicide.
• Here again
• How to respond to I don't know why I keep ru... .
• I don't know what she wants?
• I think I am going to have to end this, PLEASE can... .
• I'm pretty much ready to throw the towel in
• I've called it off
• is anyone on here in a recycle
• Is it ok to NEVER initiate contact?
• Lack of communication
• Moving in together?
• Not sure what is going on with my PWBPD
• Practical advice on Push/Pull?

It might be worthwhile to read the last one. It's interesting.

It sounds like you have a good therapist. That's great and he should be the lead in your work. You can supplement that by coming here and working on the concepts that is showing you - share with others and have them share back on the relationship skills board. These skills will help you in every relationship you have in the future.

Or, not. Either way is OK.  

Just some food for thought, Infern0. Just planting a seed.