How often is paranoia a part of the BPD personality?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

The way several therapists have explained BPD to me is that it often coexists with other mental illnesses. My pwBPD is an alcoholic, but he also has substantial paranoia. My H quit the therapist who diagnosed him with paranoia because he believed he was getting paid off by drug companies.
How often is paranoia a component of BPD? How many of you have had to deal with paranoia in your BPD relationship? What works? Do any of your pwBPD actually agree to take meds for it?
I'm still sorting through the wreckage of my marriage and trying to figure out if there was any lifeline we missed.

[Breathe066]

The way several therapists have explained BPD to me is that it often coexists with other mental illnesses. My pwBPD is an alcoholic, but he also has substantial paranoia. My H quit the therapist who diagnosed him with paranoia because he believed he was getting paid off by drug companies.
How often is paranoia a component of BPD? How many of you have had to deal with paranoia in your BPD relationship? What works? Do any of your pwBPD actually agree to take meds for it?
I'm still sorting through the wreckage of my marriage and trying to figure out if there was any lifeline we missed.

[flourdust]

BPD is part of the Cluster B personality disorders, which also includes Narcissistic Personality Disorder. (That's another one that is mentioned here often.) There aren't bright dividing lines between these disorders, so it's common to see either multiple diagnoses or one dominant disorder with traits of another. Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) is a Cluster A disorder which is viewed as having more in common with schizophrenia ... .but I've seen estimates of around 15% comorbidity of BPD and PPD. Even without a clear set of paranoid traits, pwBPD often perceive themselves as victims being persecuted by partners, family members, or coworkers, so some paranoid thinking is going to be part of that.

I would encourage you to read some of formflier's threads. He usually posts on the Staying board. His wife is possibly closer to PPD than BPD, or perhaps both.

[Crushedbyac]

my xuBPD is severely paranoid, and yes I suspect co-morbid with either PPD or other psychosis disorder (delusional disorder).  He is currently entrenched in a delusion that has lasted well over 2 months (thats much longer than others in past) and is reportedly (never really sure if its true) pursuing legal action that he has managed to wrap me into as a result of my detattchment from him (of course).  Its one way for him to keep me in play and also the 'reality' he had to create to explain why I left him, because it cant be him, there has to be a sinister scheme.  And although at this point Im only concerned with the delusions/paranoia that concern me, pretty much everyone he has more than just a casual relationship with is 'suspect' or is victimizing him in some way, but also some that he doesnt really know that well also. 

With me about 90% of the delusions/paranoia are focused around me cheating or something of that nature and he has suggested the most disgusting things and called me all kinds of horrible names as a result of what he "knows" (obviously all false, and mostly all impossible).  One of the biggest issues I have struggled with is trying to defend yourself against these false accusations (I didnt know back then about BPD or DD).  Well its pretty much impossible to 'prove' you didnt do something you never conceived of, or that you dont know someone you dont know!  Not to mention you are trying to rationalize with a person that has already decided "the truth" and is not capable of rational conversation (at that time).  Anyway, its NC now because I cant take the endless threats and  accusations anymore.  He will always believe I did these awful things and I have to accept that, but its hard.  Ultimately, I just want him to leave me alone, I dont care about all that foolishness anymore or in trying to help him, but I know deep down it will never end.  He will drag the paranoid beliefs out as long as his bank account will fund the legal process.

[Breathe066]

Crushed, my ex's paranoid delusions all center around his fantasies that have cheated. I say fantasies because he engages in them so much that I have occasionally wondered if the idea excites him.
I, also, have learned to my great heartbreak that there is no way to prove his delusions false. As soon as I present any evidence that would derail his delusion, the fact that I am defending myself prompts him to accuse me of being defensive and, why, he asks, would I be defensive unless I were guilty?
He feels such certainty about "the truth" that I will never be able to dislodge his paranoid beliefs although his truth is based on nothing more than the fact that some guy walked by or that I waved to a neighbor or that the phone rang and he didn't recognize the number... .or a million other tiny nothings that I could have never imagined would have been a problem.
He started again last night with the "Admit you did this! Admit you did these things to me!" Half were outrageous lies and the other half were things he's actually done to me but is now projecting as if I did them to him.
I know it's crazy to miss him, but I still do. I find myself trying to figure out what would happen if he could be treated for the paranoia... .but all that's a dead end. He won't ever allow himself to be treated.
Now, as more time elapses and I am lonelier it is easy to forget all the pain and cruelty and only remember the things I miss.
Sometimes I even question the things that I know for certain happened, things I wrote in my journal, things about which there is no doubt and yet I begin to doubt because almost every night he sends me reams of emails demanding that I take ownership of how I hurt him. I wish I could. I wish his version were true. Because if it was, I could do something about it. But it's not. I'm not the one who yelled and screamed and stormed out more than half a dozen times demanding a divorce and made crazy accusations and made conversation such a minefield that it wasn't even worth the effort.
It's weird that I am more in touch with his feeling hurt and confused and angry than I am with my own feelings. His repeated rages and abandonments of me have left a mark. But I can barely allow myself to see it.

[Crushedbyac]

Breathe,  it's all so familiar And sorry you are going thru this.  It's a strange to find comfort knowing others have experienced the same, to not be alone or crazy,  while not wanting anyone to have to ensure something so awful.  But no one else can understand unless they have experienced.

Proof of the false delusion?  Is all deemed "faked"! A new theory closes the hole immediately and now morphed into the "real"truth. And yes,  that defending yourself if "proof" of guilt,  but of course refusing to engage And not defend is equally proof.   It would be funny if it wasn't so heartbreaking. And oh! The most banal details and the most random people,  must I never know,  that prove deciet!

For me the endless fighting, accusations and threats to stay connected "or else... ." were too much. In the end,  recently,  I had to get a protection order to make him stop,  get myself some peace and find sanity. I have a temp ro and am currently waiting to find out if it will be permanent, but I'm not too confident.   It's really hard to "prove" emotional abuse in court.  Either way it's hard core NC for me now.  I've simply had enough,  but it's been a long time coming,  almost a year to get here.  I tried everything to end nicely,  not a reality. And I'm still not pleased I couldn't figure it out.  I wish more than anything it wasnt so ugly, hurtful now, not at all what I wanted. It's also really hard to accept that he chooses and will always believe these all things,  I struggle with that most of all, along side hurting him knowing he Just doesn't get it.

[Herodias]

I think my exes paranoia came from the fear of being caught in all
of his lies. Not so much with me, but with other people and his job. I suppose some of the fear of abandonment would cause this as well.

[ScotisGone74]

In the case of my exBPD I believe she was already paranoid, in part due to her self esteem and anxiety issues.   But after the end I can also see the the other reasons they are paranoid.   If you had told as many lies, made up as many stories, and manipulated as many people you would be paranoid too.   It's part of the reason they move around so much and change jobs. 
When they finally do leave it is very similar to the movie "Needful Things"

[Aesir]

Very often imo. Some of the paranoid theories my ex would concoct made my draw drop. It was due to her low self esteem and lack of trust in EVERYONE.

[Huh?]

My waif/hermit ex fiancé was very paranoid.  She slept with two tasers under her pillow, kept a brass knuckle device on her key ring, and carried pepper spray.

She was constantly worried about the world ending, wouldnt go on trips to the west coast with me because of "tsunamis",  forwarded me all kinds of emails from fake news websites about events which meant the world was gonna end soon.  She didn't believe in vaccinations and insisted she was being persecuted for it by everyone.

She thought people were staring at her all the time and would publicly freak out sometimes and needed me to rescue her... .she said all the time I made her feel safe.

She's a gorgeous, petite woman.  People always complimented her wherever we went, saying how beautiful she was.  I figured she was so afraid because of her size... .but there was definitely something else going on there.

[Tattered Heart]

I was reading through the BPD criteria the other day. Paranoia and losing touch with reality can also fit into criteria #9 "transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms"

My H is extremely paranoid. He is obsessed with conspiracy theories along with his general suspicion of people. He worries about me going on walks by myself because someone might try to rape or kidnap me. He has his CCW because you never know what could happen in public. He even began to believe Mandela Effect was real a few months ago (I began to really worry about his mental stability at this time because he thought we truly went into a new reality).

[formflier]

Paranoia was HUGE in my r/s until I understood and stopped invalidation.  I also changed some dynamics about how I responded.

Let's see...

I was a bigamist... secret marriage in barn.
Had love child and introduced my wife to her at McDonalds
Use to sneak home earlier from military deployments... .apparently all my travel claims were falsified... .I used to beg her to "turn me in"... .to prove my innocence... .

The standard wham bam thank you ma'am affair was dime a dozen... .accusation wise.

Ohh... those were the days.

No diagnosis of her but several PhD level types have spent time with her... .paranoia is central with a twist of getting devastated when she is wrong... .

Her family has several that will never admit wrongdoing.   My wife will admit it... then shame goes haywire.  I've learned to let lots of stuff go unsaid.  I take her change in behavior as her "admission"... .and let it go at that.

Paranoia sucks... .bigtime.  Not for the faint of heart.

FF

[kim2017]

I've been reading about this paranoia and it is helping me so much understand my exBPD. He juste accused me of cheating one day, based on the fact that I wore sweats at home, didn't wear my "usual make up," went through my internet search history and found me looking at some travel deals and accused me of looking at those to travel with some guy.

I swore up and down, offered to take a polygraph test and he refused to believe a word I said. Once he concluded I cheated, no amount of evidence pointing to the contrary would have convinced. I was painted black.

My question is, do they ever come back from this? Do they ever realize their conclusions were wrong or unfounded? Mine disappeared - NC now almost 8 months and we were supposed to get married.

How long is he going to live continuing to believe these false things? Coincidentally, he said the same thing about his ex-wife that "she cheated." I don't believe she did as I am now 100% certain that he cheated on her.

Does someone like this eventually find their peace and happiness such that they can have a long-term relationship. I am wondering if it was just me, my personality, my lack of ability to validate his feelings that led to this.

[Herodias]

"My waif/hermit ex fiancé was very paranoid.  She slept with two tasers under her pillow, kept a brass knuckle device on her key ring, and carried pepper spray."

My ex slept with guns and knives hidden all over the house. He said there were very evil people out there. I now realize he was right and that I was sleeping with the enemy... .I do wonder of all of the times he ended up in psych wards had made him think this way though... .never know. Why he would bring them to our home I do not understand... .I had some frightful nights with his new "friends" he made there. Maybe it made him feel powerful and safe... .I was told that my situational awareness was bad and that I was nieve.

[RedPill]

In my case her paranoia, mistrust, and false accusations drove us to divorce. Most of her accusations were focused on infidelity although money and spying were also included. The paranoia exponentially blew up when she "found" my email on one of the Ashley Madison exposure sites when that hack was in vogue. False but "proved" her suspicions and gave her fuel for more and more and more ... .

Not fun to watch your loved one lose her trust and faith in you, even when you know it is unfounded. Not fun at all.
--
RP

[HopinAndPrayin]

Unfortunately, interpersonal paranoia played a large role in our marriage and it was the piece, coupled with dissociation and combativeness that made for daily hell.  My stbxhBPD had schizotypal traits and would regularly fly into a rage and tell me that I was planning to divorce him anyway.  Later on, as his health deteriorated further, he would accuse me of wanting to "lock [him] away in mental jail and throw away the key."  That's how he would refer to residential care.  He had strong telltale signs of childhood trauma that are best addressed with residential care.  Don't know that anyone has gotten this far, but I tried to share with him that having someone committed against their will is almost impossible legally.  I shared that with him hoping he would understand that I supported him going to get himself some relief, but it would need to be his choice.  All he heard was "mental jail" and that I thought he was broken and was rejecting him.  It was heartbreaking to watch and confusing to experience because it was these delusions that would lead him to run out and tell the whole family we were getting divorced.  I would just travel home from work that week and he would have moved out without warning citing the divorce I had planned. With his family there was no mention of "mental jail," he would just tell them matter of factory that we decided to divorce.  When I explained what was going on, they all too quickly jumped to the conclusion that I was crazy.  It's very, very difficult to deal with.