Lost Mother

[TiredSoul]

Well... .here it goes.  My child is 17 years old and is near self destruction mode.  CPS, Police, therapist, institutions, meds, church and jail has not been able to help my child due to her lack of self motivation and denial to get better. 

I am watching my child self destruct and I feel as if I have tried every avenue that I have researched, outreached, read and found out about, with no help.

How do I help my daughter when she is too sick and has no conscious of the real world?

Institutions hold her for limited time and court order can only be held limited time as well for her to take her medication.

But as you all know, BPD needs intense therapy and not just pills. 

How do I let go and not feel guilty while my daughter is on the verge of hitting rock bottom?

She will be 18 in 2 weeks and I have limited authority. 

 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[incadove]

That is so sad and scary situation.

All I can say is to stay in close touch, as perhaps she will enter a brief sensitive period in which she reaches out for support, and you can at that moment try to guide her to positive steps that she can be successful at.  In our experience there are periods in which nothing you say can get through, and other periods in which dd may be responsive to parental support/guidance.

Also any financial support, can be contingent on some tiny baby steps in the right direction - any kind of responsible behavior you think she can be successful at doing. 

You said 'how can I let go and not feel guilty' - I think its just a looser tie, its not fully letting go, its finding a way to be distant enough that you can manage to not react, and be ready, while taking care of yourself so you're strong enough to help as soon as she is ready for it.  You are there for her, she just isn't asking for your help yet in a positive way, but hopefully she will.  Our dd's distanced much more at 17/18 and are returning to the family more at 18/19, hopefully after hitting that bottom she will turn back to you. 

Hope things get better for you and your daughter.  Keep learning and maybe if she will too - you are right its all up to her finding the motivation and belief that it is possible.