BPD and the highly sensitive person (HSP)

[Depression = 72% of members]

My dBPD sister says and writes about being a HSP.  I have been reading about empaths and HSP.  I am an empath, do not feel I am HSP.  An empath can feel the energy or feelings of others, but the HSP, although they can be kind, their emotional stance is typically on "the defensive", so if the person they are attempting to help or listen to, triggers them, they are unable to stay empathetic.  I also read that HSP make huge assumptions about others, not based on fact, but on their own fears and feelings. Finally, I read the  HSP is the most draining on others, especially empaths.  When an HSP misinterprets other peoples intention, they usually act out in aggressive or passive aggressive ways.   This article was so enlightening.  I also read that there is correlation between BPD and HSP.  This has really opened my eyes and actually I can see why my sister reacts in many ways she does.  I feel bad for her... .but she is toxic to me and others.  Has anyone else felt this experience with their sibling?  Anyone read about HSP?  Thanks!

[Pina colada]

My dBPD sister says and writes about being a HSP.  I have been reading about empaths and HSP.  I am an empath, do not feel I am HSP.  An empath can feel the energy or feelings of others, but the HSP, although they can be kind, their emotional stance is typically on "the defensive", so if the person they are attempting to help or listen to, triggers them, they are unable to stay empathetic.  I also read that HSP make huge assumptions about others, not based on fact, but on their own fears and feelings. Finally, I read the  HSP is the most draining on others, especially empaths.  When an HSP misinterprets other peoples intention, they usually act out in aggressive or passive aggressive ways.   This article was so enlightening.  I also read that there is correlation between BPD and HSP.  This has really opened my eyes and actually I can see why my sister reacts in many ways she does.  I feel bad for her... .but she is toxic to me and others.  Has anyone else felt this experience with their sibling?  Anyone read about HSP?  Thanks!

[Pilpel]

My SIL sent out an email a few years ago, saying that she realized she was a highly sensitive person.  The email had a short video that gave bulleted traits of the HSP.  I recall one of the traits being a higher appreciation of art and another being that they're more empathic, someone else responded saying that they are empathic to the point of being almost clairvoyant.  She didn't get any other responses to her email, because we all know she's highly narcissistic.  Rather than being highly sensitive, I would consider her as someone who has the emotional maturity of a toddler.  The idea of clairvoyance gave me a little insight into one of her traits, though.  Part of the problem I have with her is that we don't share the same reality.  She tries to control the narrative of what is going on.  I think in her own mind, the narrative she creates and then bullies others to submit to must seem like clairvoyance to her.

I can see how a lot of people can see themselves in the HSP traits.  But personally I think the HSP stuff leans closer toward BS than real psychology. 

[Pina colada]

My SIL sent out an email a few years ago, saying that she realized she was a highly sensitive person.  The email had a short video that gave bulleted traits of the HSP.  I recall one of the traits being a higher appreciation of art and another being that they're more empathic, someone else responded saying that they are empathic to the point of being almost clairvoyant.  She didn't get any other responses to her email, because we all know she's highly narcissistic.  Rather than being highly sensitive, I would consider her as someone who has the emotional maturity of a toddler.  The idea of clairvoyance gave me a little insight into one of her traits, though.  Part of the problem I have with her is that we don't share the same reality.  She tries to control the narrative of what is going on.  I think in her own mind, the narrative she creates and then bullies others to submit to must seem like clairvoyance to her.

I can see how a lot of people can see themselves in the HSP traits.  But personally I think the HSP stuff leans closer toward BS than real psychology. 

Pilpel, I read your response twice.  You have articulated what I have thought all along.  My sister says she is psychic, HSP, empathic,  , my sister and I do not share the same reality. She has rewritten stories of our childhood.  I know they are false because both my brother and I have the same version ... .  My sister also believes in ego vs higher self.  I have no issue with people believing that, I believe people die and go to heaven and she. believes we don't die.  Again, no issues, it is just that we have such different realities... .Her's is always changing too.  She seems to always jump on the latest bandwagon.  First, she had every disease and mental illness that was in "style". adult ADHD, codependency, face blindness, , learning disabilities and much more.  The only one our family members believed was diagnosis of BPD which she now denies.  I never however looked at the HSP stuff as means to control others but you may be on too something.  My sister is very controlling and if you disagree with her about politics, well just about anything, she turns on you.  I know.  This is what she continues to do to me when I stand up to her.  Thank you for your insight!

[Pilpel]

Thank you for your insight!

Aw, thank you, Pina Colada!  After several years of relative peace with SIL, I'm currently at a point where I'm seriously considering going NC.  And it has been causing me some anxiety to think about it.  But it makes my day to know that 10+ years of dealing with her has giving me some insight that I can share.   

[Pina colada]

Pilpel I wish you the best of luck in dealing with your SIL.  These decisions are never easy.  My dBPD sister is still at her attacks of me.  My father whom is over 90 broke his hip. Sis lives 5 hours away but has no plans to help with his care.  He is in the hospital, one hour each way from me, and of course I will be with him every day.  Then my brother, whom is on the east coast will come as I go back to work full time.  My sister calls me anorexic which is very funny as I mentioned my health is great, no concerns from doctor!  She is mostly concerned about her share of my fathers estate when he passes and writes about all the time.  Honestly, it seems she is waiting for him to pass.  I celebrate my dad and have a very close relationship, see him whenever I can!  My sister abused our mom horribly, mom cut her out of her will but left her one dollar which I guess is what her attorney advised.  My brother and I knew about this and we both tried to change moms mind to no avail... .Again, she really was nasty to mom or mom never would have done that.  I don't even think about my dad passing.  I can't wait to see him dancing again like he did, with my daughters and myself at my daughters wedding three weeks ago... .he is truly amazing!  Of course my sister brings ugly into everything.  The lesson is don't waste your time with abusive, toxic people, even if they are family, even when they sick (mentally ill).

[Avriel]

My dBPD sister says and writes about being a HSP.  I have been reading about empaths and HSP.  I am an empath, do not feel I am HSP.  An empath can feel the energy or feelings of others, but the HSP, although they can be kind, their emotional stance is typically on "the defensive", so if the person they are attempting to help or listen to, triggers them, they are unable to stay empathetic.  I also read that HSP make huge assumptions about others, not based on fact, but on their own fears and feelings. Finally, I read the  HSP is the most draining on others, especially empaths.  When an HSP misinterprets other peoples intention, they usually act out in aggressive or passive aggressive ways.   This article was so enlightening.  I also read that there is correlation between BPD and HSP.  This has really opened my eyes and actually I can see why my sister reacts in many ways she does.  I feel bad for her... .but she is toxic to me and others.  Has anyone else felt this experience with their sibling?  Anyone read about HSP?  Thanks!

This made me groan, because I can see my unBPD sister doing this--currently she's trying to blame everything to her Myers-Briggs type. I think that there's something to the HSP idea. My mom and I both probably fall into that category. Neither of us have BPD. I'm not an empath; my mom is one to some extent. But I think there are major difference in our sensitivities and my sister's. For one thing, we react to things more consistently. With her it's hit or miss. As a teen, she did cake decorating projects for 4-H. She had talent--no doubt about that--but the quality was uneven. She could perceive the problems in someone else's work and criticize them nastily, but she wouldn't notice them in her own. Her inconsistent sensitivity is unlike the more predictable reactions I understand HSPs to have.

[Pina colada]

Thank you for sharing your experience Avriel.  It helps to readout others going through similiar challenges.  I think it is a common trait for disordered individuals to not see the fault in themselves.  Blaming another is what they do, in my experience as they can't admit fault with themselves.  I know with myself and my dBPD sister, I am far from perfect, I can provoke her, and I feel that is part of the problem.  She is much older and after she abused me as kids, she apologized.  I thought she was the best person in the world.  She told me she would be my "mom". The whole time she was betraying me behind my back, for about ten years.  I recently found out she betrayed another family member and that member wants nothing to do with her.  I feel my sister was used to compliant kid that looked up to her whom never knew her at all as my sister had SO many secrets I was not allowed to know.  Once I discovered whom she really was, behind her mask, I started to stick up for myself and "challenge" her false reality.