Introduction

[That guy]

Hello-  iI discovered that new members should introduce themselves before posting.  So here goes... .

I am a 34 year old male living in the United States.  I have a passion for tennis, and I dabble a bit on the professional level.  I am college educated and work in a field that allows me to work from home.  Over the last several months my relationship with my GF has been in termoil.  She was diagnosed with BPD after I encouraged her to seek therapy to help address her long standing fight against anxiety, depression, and PTSD.  

I met my GF about one year ago, and fell in love with her and her now 5 year old son.  We moved in together after about 8 months.  Everything  just felt right.  Prior to our meeting I had been in a long term relationship, which ended 6 months before we met.

My GF's background:  She is smart, kind, and beautiful.  :)ry sense of humor.  Inquisitive.  Artistic.  And more of course.  

She was raised in what she characterizes as a dysfunctional family.  Her mother is very undeducated and married her father when she was 16 ( he was in his 40's).  Before they divorced her parents routinely had domestic violence issues, which at times involved physical abuse of her mother, her and her sisters.  They spent many nights at domestic violence shelters.  Her parents divorced when she was 12 and she lived with her mother and extended family., also in foster care for a period.  While living with extended family, she (along with her sisters) were sexually abused by a family memberr.  The sexual abuse occurred nearly every night and lasted for a period of years.  Roughly at the age of 16 she threatened suicide and eventually they moved away from the abuser and he went to jail.  She has struggle with depression and anxiety  since the start of the abuse (early teenage years) and has been on several combinations of medication as a result. At the age of 18 she became an exotic dancer to pay her way through school.  She struggled with substance abuse and also had a physically abusive boyfriend.  She met her husband one night while dancing.  He was a customer.  They married only months after meeting.  He was in the military and was deployed often.  They had their son 2 years into their marriage and then her husband was discharged due to PTSD about 3 years after their son was born.  They separated after 7 years of marriage and that is when I met her.  At the time she told me that they had been separated for 3 months before we met, but later I found out he didn't move out of the house until just weeks before we met, or possibly concurrent with our meeting.  Unfortunately the divorce is ongoing and getting messy.  Initially she told me that they had agreed not to finalize the divorce until she got health insurance from her new job.  At this time the divorce is still not finalized, because her attorney disappeared half way through the proceedings.  Then new attorney seems to be on track, but here we are a year later.

The current situation:  since moving in together our relationship has been going down hill.  Her depression flared up when she got fired from her job.  I'm not privy to the exact reason for her termination but she said it wasn't a good fit so they let her go.  Her psychiatrist doubled her medication and she had terrible side effects.  It's scared me so I begged her to see him again and tell him.  He changed to a similar med and lowered the dose.  Her depression and behavior continued to get worse and we started having intense fights.  I had never experienced anything like it.  Also, perhaps as a result of living together, I began notice major behavioral issues.  She was negligent in her parenting, ruthlessly defensive, zoned out, addicted to social media and her phone.  She stopped exercising and started eating poorly, and started gaining weight.  I encouraged her to speak to a therapist and that's when she told me about the BPD.  It all makes sense now.  But now I'm terrified.  

Thanks for listening

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lost-love-mind]

You are in the right place. I've only been here for a couple weeks or so and feel better already.
Someone will relate to your situation and will give good advice.
In the meantime, I encourage you to post updates. I did often, even when no one responded. Eventually, the venting was therapeutic
Keep up the dialogue.

[amusement park]

Read the helpful tips on this website. Depersonalize the rage and anger directed at you. I too am in a very dysfunctional relationship. My uBPD gets angry at nothing. She won't let go and it ends up in a very negative manner. I've tried telling her to get help and her response is "no one that's married and in love would say I'm I'll". Her mother is a huge enabler thinking nothing is wrong with her daughter so I'm in a no win situation. Our future is very unclear.

[That guy]

My girlfriend keeps cancelling her Therapy.  Her therapist seems to be upset with her and now isn't seeing her.  Should I suggest a new therapist?  Should I be involved in the selection of the therapist?