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Author Topic: Tired of self-awareness  (Read 1134 times)
morningagain
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« on: November 19, 2017, 04:25:43 PM »

yes, I am flawed.
but I just cannot seem to get my backside out of the door anymore.
self-awareness only goes so far.
being "co-dependent" (which to me, means that I am motivated to help those I love, not so much myself), and finding out all about my many flaws, results in me crowding deeper into my self-imposed cave.
so, i need a woman, yet all of my self-awareness tells me i am unworthy.
     
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    but joy comes with the morning.   Psalms 30
hope2727
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« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2017, 08:29:18 PM »

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I understand the " I need a woman feeling". I am a woman and I don't "need" a man however, I do "Want" a man in my life. Perhaps that is a place to start. Perhaps you want a woman. Nothing wrong with that.

 So if that is the case I highly suggest (as a woman) becoming your best self so that any woman who enters your life gets to share the best of you. I am not judging I assure you as I am working on my best me as we speak. We all want to be our best self for our partners. So what can you do to be ready for the amazing woman who is out there hoping to meet you?
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morningagain
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« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2017, 08:35:06 PM »

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I understand the " I need a woman feeling". I am a woman and I don't "need" a man however, I do "Want" a man in my life. Perhaps that is a place to start. Perhaps you want a woman. Nothing wrong with that.

 So if that is the case I highly suggest (as a woman) becoming your best self so that any woman who enters your life gets to share the best of you. I am not judging I assure you as I am working on my best me as we speak. We all want to be our best self for our partners. So what can you do to be ready for the amazing woman who is out there hoping to meet you?

i do get it.
being 'needy' is rather off putting.
i guess it is more about how i describe what it is i need.
i need a good woman.  i am a good man.
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    but joy comes with the morning.   Psalms 30
Lost-love-mind
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« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2017, 04:53:13 AM »

yes, I am flawed.
but I just cannot seem to get my backside out of the door anymore.
self-awareness only goes so far.
being "co-dependent" (which to me, means that I am motivated to help those I love, not so much myself), and finding out all about my many flaws, results in me crowding deeper into my self-imposed cave.
so, i need a woman, yet all of my self-awareness tells me i am unworthy.
     
Really confused.
Yes. On the one hand, I like the development of my self awareness and my recent T diagnosis. I'm the BPD (fear of abandonment) with BPD as my defensive mechanism to control others and prevent them from leaving me.
Ok.
Now, on the other hand, I'm sick of discussion of this BPD esoteric psychobabble, and move on with my life. Yes, and find a woman for a companion in life.
After writing that I realized it's avoidance. Not really wanting to work on my inner core that will make me a better man.
But, I'm 57 yrs old. Wgas (sick texting short) anyway? I'll just keep on being the childhood environmently damaged human and live the rest of my pathetic life alone.
C'mon.
Is it really that hard of a choice?
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Skip
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« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2017, 07:23:17 AM »

Self awareness: My gas tank is near empty, I need to buy gas soI can get to my destination on time!.

Depression: My gas tank is near empty, I never get to the market. I need to stay home, and go to bed hungry tonight. .


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morningagain
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« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2017, 02:00:13 PM »

Self awareness: My gas tank is near empty, I need to buy gas soI can get to my destination on time!.

Depression: My gas tank is near empty, I never get to the market. I need to stay home, and go to bed hungry tonight. .


thanks Skip.  yeah, depression is an issue for me.  i guess i was feeling a bit dysregulated myself when i posted.  i would certainly much rather be more self-aware than less.  truth be told, i don't think i have another romantic relationship in me, but i would like to have something resembling a social life.   so, getting myself out the door would work wonders for me escaping my self-imposed hermitage   
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    but joy comes with the morning.   Psalms 30
itgetsbetter94
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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2017, 03:53:10 PM »

thanks Skip.  yeah, depression is an issue for me.  i guess i was feeling a bit dysregulated myself when i posted.  i would certainly much rather be more self-aware than less.  truth be told, i don't think i have another romantic relationship in me, but i would like to have something resembling a social life.   so, getting myself out the door would work wonders for me escaping my self-imposed hermitage   

That is me atm. I want to, but cannot imagine myself loving anybody in the near future. Men started to annoy me. What I would in other circumstances find funny or amusing, now I find annoying.  I have no patience for foolishness and boring conversations, but on the other hand I don't want to open myself to anyone either. My criteria from "high" went to "rocket high". I'm protecting my heart and peace of mind like the most treasured jewel from now on. I'm not rescuing anybody ever again, except myself. I feel like I'll end up with 20 cats eventually.
I even wanted to post a thread "Are you afraid of dying alone?", but I guess it's a little bit too dramatic... .
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SuperJew82
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« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2017, 12:04:39 AM »

I have been feeling the exact same way lately. Why would I put all that effort into something that is going to hurt me. Yes, ideally, I would like a companion in my life - but is it worth it? I'm not sure.  I'm alright right now. It took awhile for me to find some level of peace. That peace feels a little odd at the moment, but it was so much better than the rollercoaster.

After my final NC this summer, I went from rebound mode to more or less a disinterested mindset. It's weird how that works. In my case, I think it's a good thing. I'm not sure I have the energy or desire to go through anything like that again.
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Lost-love-mind
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« Reply #8 on: November 21, 2017, 02:36:24 AM »

I have been feeling the exact same way lately. Why would I put all that effort into something that is going to hurt me. Yes, ideally, I would like a companion in my life - but is it worth it? I'm not sure.  I'm alright right now. It took awhile for me to find some level of peace. That peace feels a little odd at the moment, but it was so much better than the rollercoaster.

After my final NC this summer, I went from rebound mode to more or less a disinterested mindset. It's weird how that works. In my case, I think it's a good thing. I'm not sure I have the energy or desire to go through anything like that again.
I'm with you SJ
Series of meeting women online and in coffee shops.
Boring.
I've decided to let my life development in a relationship happen naturally.
I've done a lot of spiritual reading and have a great support group.
Many nice meet up groups in my area. Finding things I like to do and work in my self awareness.
At my age, wisdom is the key.
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itgetsbetter94
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« Reply #9 on: November 21, 2017, 05:16:01 AM »

If this helps, my therapist warned me there would be a phase where I would be disinterested in dating, even annoyed, but that is normal and expected. So, it's just a part of the recovery.
I have so much work and things I need to accomplish that I think I will focus myself 100% on that. And if something nice happens in a meanwile- ah, who knows- even better.Smiling (click to insert in post)
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Skip
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« Reply #10 on: November 21, 2017, 05:32:28 AM »

There are two ways to deal with a breakup - one is to let time scab it over, the other is to reinvent yourself and you views on love and relationships.

It's a big fork in the road and we all choose. I can say that those who do the former, tend to be back.  It's say to say that someone failed me. It's harder to say the relationship failed and I am part of that failure.

We leave that other persons failure behind. They are out of our life. But what about our failures? Are we going to tag them and fix them, or carry them forward and hope they play better iin the next relationship?

Change is hard. It starts with self awareness.
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Lost-love-mind
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« Reply #11 on: November 21, 2017, 04:00:17 PM »

There are two ways to deal with a breakup - one is to let time scab it over, the other is to reinvent yourself and you views on love and relationships.

It's a big fork in the road and we all choose. I can say that those who do the former, tend to be back.  It's say to say that someone failed me. It's harder to say the relationship failed and I am part of that failure.

We leave that other persons failure behind. They are out of our life. But what about our failures? Are we going to tag them and fix them, or carry them forward and hope they play better iin the next relationship?

Change is hard. It starts with self awareness.
Nice anology to a fork in the road, unless you are Yogi Berra.
His advice: "take it".
In my case, a gorgeous blonde with blue eyes will be broken down and need help.
Question is - before the fork or after I took it?
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