Feeling like I should let go... But I don't want to

[dazedheart]

I am posting again, I have had a lot of hope, but I think I was just tricking myself into believing I could hold on when she was not coming back.  I mean, yeah she doesn't want to let go of me completely.  I am still her safe spot at random times, I am still a place that she can lash out at when she feels that I am strong enough to avoid her other times.  You see, we have the pleasure of working together 5 days a week, so she does not have to miss me.  And when I am not around she can reach out and text me to see how I am or say have a nice day etc, if I do not answer, a question about work will suddenly come up... .  Oh the games, but I don't know if maybe I am just confusing reality with my hopes, and the truth is that she is done and I am hoping that she is reaching out when there is nothing there.  Yes, she hasn't cut our accounts, but that could just be out of lack of responsibility.  Yes, she hasn't quit work but that is because it is a comfortable job that pays well, Yes she lashes out at me but those are her mood swings and I am an easy target because she knows I am safe, Yes she avoids getting close to me at times but that is because I scare her? Or is that because she is done with me?
Oh what do I do?  Do I give up? I told her today I forgive her for everything, I told her today that I will be okay no matter what, that I know she doesn't want to fix us and that I see her standing there afraid of herself. 
Why can't I just let go?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

HI dazedheart,

I"m sorry that you are feeling so confused about the state of things. Breakups are hard. How long has it been since you broke up?

It sounds like you have given her free access to you anytime she wants, anytime she feels like it, anytime she doesn't want to reach out. That's giving her a lot of control over your life and emotions.

You mentioned that when you try to create a little space for yourself then she reaches out with a work question. Can you ignore work related messages until business hours?

For your own sanity, what piece do you need to give up in order to stop the games? I'm not saying that you can't try to rekindle things but it's important that you also try to begin living life for yourself, whether you are together or not. Once you get yourself into a good place, then you can make smart choices about how to begin patching things up.

[Mutt]

Hi dazedheart,

It sounds like you have given her free access to you anytime she wants, anytime she feels like it, anytime she doesn't want to reach out. That's giving her a lot of control over your life and emotions.

How closely do you work together? If she were to send you a text, do you answer ASAP, do you space out your texts or somewhere in between?