Why does every blow feels like a new breakup?

[LoveLostHeart]

I notice that every time something happens it feels like I am starting the grieving process all over again. So 1 day I am accepting that things are over and that I shouldn't want to be with her. Then something happens, for example, her being in another relationship and I have to start the process all over again. Is this familiar to you? Is any of you struggling with the same thing?

[heartbroken03]

Yes. Absolutely. I only have to see my ex and I'm back to day 1 (we live close by and our children are at the same school). It's tough! I can only hope that time eases the pain... .

[confusedbloke]

This is a tricky one.  One 1 hand I love my freedom and meeting new people, and being able to do what I want is amazing. 
Then there are those times where I miss her.  This is generally when the fun stops and Im on my own.  She could have been a part of my social scene and I just wanted her to get on with my friends.  But she couldnt and just wanted me to herself.  And that's too restrictive for me.

So in answer to your question... .for example I just received a call from her a couple hours ago, thanking me for my text ( I sent a text yesterday to apologise for asking her for a drink).  She said there was no need to apologise and she liked the invite... .even though she didnt accept it.

We had a chat about what weve been up to and then talked a little deeper about her sadness that I never invited her out... .So I said well I would have done more if she didnt get so mad at me when drunk.

Anyway, this is the nice side to her.  And this is what we miss.  Not the whole of that person, just this nice reasonable side... .  But sadly that doesnt last.  In a functional relationship, this stage would last a lot longer... .  But in the ex relationship, one wrong word will trigger her and we would be back to how we were again.

I would be more mindful now that im not with her, if we ever got back together... .but I wouldnt be able to keep it up.  It would be glorious for a couple months (if that), then it would be the same again as I cant deal with the BPD traits she has.  You gotta be a brave and patient person to put up with it... .I'm neither 

So as much as Im looking at this with rose tinted spectacles, I know it just cant work.  Doesnt make me miss her any less though.  So yeah I can relate that its like going back to the beginning when she gets in touch, but the main thing is to get on with life I guess as we never know whats around the corner... .

But also there will be times when we have a wobble... .like I did at the weekend... .

[Lucky Jim]

Hey LLH, Yes, I think that's normal.  You could say that, in your head, you know it's over, but in your heart, it's a different story.  I suggest that you try to look at your feelings objectively and just observe, without the need to do anything.  Sometimes it helps to get a little distance on one's emotions.

LuckyJIm

[Yosh6]

Hello everyone, I am in that place where I could let myself get all messed up with the emotions if I allowed it or I could use logic to protect me from circling back and forth.  It makes all the difference to read about BPD and Narcissism to remember how it gets as soon as you attempt to get back to that relationship (I mean to try it again!). We all tend to remember the rush we have had but forget the pain. I am an Empath so I attracted this BPD-Narcissist like a magnet to metal! HAHA!  Somehow, all through my life, I was in healthy relationships and I could quickly and easily detect unhealthy and leave before it got involved... .until this individual came along and chased me. Such, charm, sweetness, seemingly getting my every feeling, catering to me and staring at me as though I was the most beautiful thing in the world. I felt beautiful and the gifts, and the vacations, and the laughter... .a lot of connection. What I must keep reminding myself of is that I felt all the connection and I felt they got me and understood but they did Not!  They are masters of this game. I am not saying they are purposely mean, but we must realize they do not feel as do we.  Probably because it brought me "home".  Then I realized that the "home" was also some of the dysfunctional stuff I experienced as a child.  Of Course it was! Don't get me wrong, the positive was incredible! Like with no-one else, ever! But let's KEEP REMEMBERING THAT ALL OF THIS IS OUR CREATION OF THE TRUTH! They are already out there seeking flirting with their next victim as we are in tremendous pain over an illusion of a positive relationship. 
Holidays felt like my Mom's, where there were beautiful and sparkly decorations galore and even the seasons were celebrated with household art and nature. We hiked, we danced, we sang, we laughed, we loved. And it was in my town where I grew up with Mom who was so much fun but bi-polar. She was probably BPD as well.  At times, I didn't know what I was coming home to but the good times were really good!  Christmas was magical and like no-one else's I knew!  But just like this person, when things went bad, it was really bad.  And I was very emotional like never before and of course, the BPD-Narc always, and I mean ALWAYS now, still brings up, that we can't be together because I am " volatile". Yes, I would cry because I felt attacked so I would become the child I was at home when I felt it was over.  I have never had a person threaten to call the police if I wouldn't leave their home all because I removed photos of me from frames one night as I was told it was over. That was immature of me, I know, but I was sad and we had been drinking a little. I wasn't screaming or physically abusive at all ever. The BPD-Narc always and still does tell me I am the sweetest, kindest person they know. But when I was finally showing pain and crying, and yes, leaving their home, they would and still do recall that as " volatile". It helps to educate over and over that this is what they do; they get us feeling so hurt, defensive that we finally do act goofy and then they treat us like WE are the problem in the relationship and that they are the healthy ones. I have so many times apologized that I became tiny. NO more of this. Then as I would apologize constantly and put myself down, the BPD would let me know what a turnoff it was that I spoke like a "victim".  You can’t ever get it right with these people.
I have read that as soon as the empath finally gets self-esteem or at least a glimpse that they are dying inside, they might, hopefully start thinking about themselves and as soon as this happens the BPD-Narc makes it look like you are so selfish and they will do what they do to pull you back away from yourself and down down DOWN. This particular person is possible going to try to be around a sibling of mine now... .that’s for later. But they know how to hurt deeply just as they know how to make you feel like you are it for life and as the song goes," Nothing compares to you".  I must keep a sense of humor here. Most important for us is to know that this is a sick, unhealthy, destructive relationship and you and I must Run Run Run! Leaving skid marks and stop thinking about them by loving ourselves and creating beautiful new healthy memories even if it isn't fun yet. Do it!  Love and healthy and joy out to us all.  Grateful to be here with us all. xo