After almost 3 years I've figured out His condition. I think...

[MelissaT]

For almost 3 years I've been in a relationship with a guy that I absolutely love. He's from Sierra Leone and has been in the states for about 12 years. The thing is... .He absolutely fits the symptoms of someone with BPD. He broke up with me (this happens often) about 5 weeks ago. He has done this several times. I know he will come back because he always does.  He is still following me on social media and watches my IG stories faithfully everyday. I don't get it. Sometimes its a 2 day breakup, sometimes like this current breakup it lasts a few months. I'm so numb to it that I don't even get upset. I want to help understand him and figure this thing out.

Once, he told me that he felt like he needed to see a shrink. He told me that he likes to be alone, sleeps all day, pushes people away and at the time was still very heart broken about an ex (the relationship ended 2 years prior to meeting me).

I don't know what to do. When we are good, we are great. Here are some things listed below I noticed as odd as of lately.  Based on these things, can someone tell me if he fits the BPD?  If so, how can I go about asking him to get help?

I honestly thought he was just a guy running game in the beginning because a lot of these things are that of a player.  BUT he doesn't mind being around my family, we have our children around each other often(he has a son 10 and I have a daughter 8), when I accuse him of cheating, he is always found to be telling me the truth. Again, I don't get it.

Things I've noticed:
Claims to have high blood pressure and is on meds for it
Moody
Hates to be questioned
Lack of a sexual appetite
Spends a lot (he doesn't think I know, but I can see that he does)
Sleeps a lot, sleeps late in the day, sometimes he doesn't sleep at all
Really gets into a work assignment for long, long periods of time for no damn reason
Can't keep a job longer than a year
Breaks up with me when angry or during any petty conflict
Can disappear for weeks or days at a time
Memory is Jacked up! forgets things
Nail biter
Avoids me on my birthday with is July 4th
Says he will come to things and never shows up
Commits himself to things and often never follows through
Has told me about at least 50 different relationships with women in his past
Breaks up with his male friends often
likes to have women friends
Never wants to go anywhere
Hates noise
Starts projects with great ideas and stops

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Welcome

Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time with your bf. A relationship with someone with BPD often has a lot of ups and downs.

We aren't professionals here so we cannot give a diagnosis of BPD. Many of the partners of members on this board never have an actual diagnosis, but they have a lot of the behavioral concerns associated with BPD. Even if they never get a diagnosis the tools and communication skills that we talk about here can work in any relationship.

We have a lot of workshops on the right side of the page that can really help you learn to talk with and communicate better with your pwBPD. To get you started, here is a link to one of our relationships on the The Dos and Don'ts of a BPD Relationship

Keep posting. While your bf is away, this would be a great time to begin working on your side of the relationship so you will be better equipped when he comes back.

[Mutt]

Hi MelissaT,



I’d like to join Tattered Heart and welcome you to the family. I’m glad that you decided to join, your boyfriend is lucky to have if you’re willing to go the extra and learn more about why he behaves the way that he.

Tattered Heart is right, we can look at borderline traits, we cannot give a diagnosis. It sounds to me like he depressed 96% of pwBPD have a mood disorder, i read some push /pull behaviour. I’d suggest to read as much as you can about the disorder, read other members discussions and you should see some similarities with your story.

BPD? How can I know?