New relationship

[AFFA11]

I'm in a new relationship with a girl Iv known for over 6 years and by known I mean met once and stayed connected via social media as friends of a mutual friend. Both of us living in different states. We have been dating 3 months now and Iv known she has BPD for over 2 months, have / still am doing my own research on it to better understand it as well. She's been in therapy for over a year (1 time a week mostly) wasn't diagnosed until she had been in therapy for 3 months because her therapist didn't think it was the right time to tell her yet. We both live 2 hours from each other and see each other on weekends mostly. I'm not really sure what else to write because Iv learned a lot about BPD so I'm mainly looking for guidance in boundary setting effectively and what situations need a foot down and what ones don't, per say. Also seeing my own counseling as well.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi AFFA,

Welcome ,

From what you've learned about BPD have you had any situations where you felt like BPD might be causing a fight? What areas are you having difficulties with boundaries?

Boundaries are not so much about putting your foot down. Boundaries are like fences. They are there to keep the good in and keep the bad out. Another way of looking at it is what are you responsibilities and what are your SO's responsibilities and then don't let those get confused.

One way to determine what is good and what is bad, is to first determine what your values are. So, in all of your relationships, not just romantic, what are you values? Our workshop on Boundaries might help you understand this a little more.

[Mutt]

Hi AFFA11,



I'd like to join  Tattered Heart and welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm glad that you decided to join us to learn about r/s tools that help with pwBPD, you can also transfer those same tools to all r/s in life. I like how  Tattered Heart explained boundaries, in really simple terms it's to keep the good stuff in and the bad stuff out.

What kinds of issues are you facing?