New to this

[vagabondsister]

Hi everyone, I'm very new to all this. My psychologist recommended the book 'Stop Walking On Eggshells' to me very recently I found out about this forum from the book.

I grew up with a younger sister who has been diagnosed with BPD, along with Dissociative Identity Disorder and a few other disorders, since she was about 14 years old but showed many traits of BPD since she was a young child.  Living in the same household as her meant growing up and feeling like I was often forgotten about by my parents, who spent the majority of their time focused on the needs of my sister.  Every thing that happened in that household revolved around my sister and how she was feeling at any particular point in time. My parents let her have free run of the household and indulged her narcissistic behavior. This also came from people outside of our home including family, teachers and her friends as everyone wanted to avoid getting her upset and nobody ever told her that her actions were wrong, even if they themselves were hurt by her.

As such, I don't have a very good relationship with my parents or my sister.  I left home when I was 19 as I could not stand being there anymore and being around people who constantly made me feel like I was less important that my sister because I was the well child.  I ended up moving away from my home town for 3 and a half years and have done extensive world travel in that time to try and even still, when I spoke with my family, the only thing they would ever want to talk about is my sister and her BPD.

I'm now in my late 20's and I still have the same relationship with my parents and even less of a relationship with my sister.  My sister is now in her mid 20's and still extremely dependent on my parents. She has spend the majority of her teenage and adult life in and out of treatment facilities.  I have tried to have more of a relationship with my sister and parents but find it extremely difficult to do this as I still feel like my life matters less to all of them and am not as important as my sister. Because my sister is also quite public about her life with mental illness, I also have a lot of other people in my life who only ever want to speak to my about my sister. This is a near daily occurrence now that I have moved back to my home town. I can't even go out shopping without running into someone who knows my sister and wants to ask me questions about her life. I understand that this is just natural curiosity however it does become very upsetting feeling like the only interesting thing about yourself is your sister living with mental illness.

I also feel extremely selfish for feeling like this. I know that my parents did the best they could and that they're not perfect, and everyone else is naturally curious about my sisters life, but it still hurts to feel like you're constantly being looked over.

Sorry for the essay but I don't know anyone else who has experienced the same situation as me so I just feel very alone in all this. I'm looking forward to speaking with people who have also grown up or live with someone who suffers from BPD.

[ijustwantpeace]

Welcome!  Your not alone.  Having a family member with a personality disorder is like growing up in a "fun house",  you as the non end up with a distorted sense of self worth and the only one seeming to be having any fun is your BPD relative.

It is always all about them and no one else matters.  Just curious why did you come back?  I went away and came back too.  In sone ways I wish i had kept going.