Just ended and I feel failed and crushed.

[Spaceghost]

My relationship just ended with my gwBPD. She'd been attacking me verbally nonstop for days, I tried everything I could to stop arguments progressing any further. At times she's escalated to mental abuse this was the worst. She called me screaming to 'fxxx off and die' calling me heartless, selfish and a scumbag and after hpurs of talking on the phone which ended in us both crying and hysterical I couldnt take anymore. I've tried so hard to fix things but I can't do it anymore.
She hates me, doesn't understand that I'm used up and tired and I've got nothing left. I failed her, I loved her so much but I failed. She thinks I never loved her. She's still texting me abuse, but I can't bear to block her. I feel like I deserve all this.

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[Fishmedic]

Hey man, 
 
I have to reply, only because my situation is eerily similar. I've had those exact same arguments, like exactly. No ide why we're even fighting, trying to smooth it over, nothing works. I get it, I've been there. My ex left me a voicemail back in August saying the same thing verbatim "f@@k off and she hopes i die". 
Remember, she is reflecting out into the world how SHE feels inside. It's a terrible disorder, they don't see the world like you or I.  Hight conflict and drama is all they know, as if it soothes them. I also told her back in the spring before she jumped into a rebound with some dude she just met, that i had nothing left. I was drained and trying to put myself back together and that we needed to be a team and take things slow. So, she jumped ship. Then stalked me throughout the summer. I made the mistake of talking to her again in september. It lasted 1 week, 1 friggin week, and she got charged with assault. Its been 3 weeks, i haven't heard a peep, but eventually i know she'll pop up again. i get how tough it is. I loved this girl more than anything, but it's the addictive nature of these turbulent relationships that leave of shell shocked for quite some time. I couldn't block her either, every time i did, i unblocked her an hour later. i get it. 
 
Take some deep breaths, try your best to relax, focus on you and only you right now. I know its easier said than done, i still think about her all day, but it's what you have to try and do. If you can't block her, leave your phone at home. I do that whenever i go to get groceries, or walk the dog, or basically anything other than the gym, as i need music, but disconnect. The constant assault of messages, i've been there, and we feel obligated to reply and round and round the hamster wheel goes. I know it all too well. It's tough, but posting on this forum can be quite cathartic, and almost everyone here has been in similar situations. It takes time, so do your best to focus on yourself right now. 
 
Fishmedic

[Spaceghost]

Thanks for the reply. Im sorry to hear things were so hard for you, hope it got easier.

We ended up having a really civil and nice phone call last night, and we texted briefly this morning which was nice. She said I love you when I went to work as usual and I said it back, said I was sorry for all the times I got angry and said  I didnt know whether to say it back cause I dont want to upset her as it was my decision to break up even after how bad it got last night she still thought we could put it right.

I haven't heard from her since this morning, which is fair because I ended and she has no obligation to speak to me. I so desperately wanna talk to her because I actually really want things to work but I couldn't handle fighting with her anymore. I won't contact her because I don't want to upset. I really love her so much, I just want her to be happy. But I know she know just sees me as someone who abandoned her and I guess I did.
We had trust issues in the relationship because I stupidly 'liked' a female friends on FB in the first few weeks we were together after she said it would upset her, which is utterly stupid on my part but was just a genuine moment of stupidly, no ill intent. But as you can imagine that was never let go and was what we were fighting about so badly the last month or so. If I had just listened, ughhh. But maybe it would have been something else if not?

[SuperJew82]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I and many other members have been through this pattern. I personally can relate to your feelings that you were responsible for this to some degree and also feeling that you have failed.

I was also subject to the really harsh texting assaults. I would get over a 100 alternating love/hate text in a row in a day without a reply from me. This usually made me cave and the recycle process kicked in. I have recycled probably about a dozen times. I would end things, as I knew that this was not what I wanted and was not healthy - but unlike previous relationships where we would just go our ways, I would be subject to a campaign of communication that I could not escape from. charming was bad. She would try to make me jealous or upset, lure me in with sexual suggestions, you name it. I wasn't strong enough to break free for the longest of time. However with every recycle I got a little stronger and with the help of friends, therapist, and the awesome members of this online community I have stood my No Contact ground.



When a relationship comes to an end, it's natural that both people are hurting. If someone did break up with me, yes I would be hurt and I might even want to say my peace - but I would not want to harass them, lash out, and simply go ballistic on them. Healthy people understand this concept.

Untreated pwBPD do not grasp this idea that everything is just not about them. I think if you wanted to oversimply the disease it would be just that.

The world revolves around their own volatile emotional needs. When their emotions are running hot and they are trying to cope, emotions=pure reality and logical fact and must be acted on regardless of the damage it might cause onto others.

You should not feel bad. You did what you needed to do. You made a line and she crossed it. The relationship might have failed, but you did not.

[Spaceghost]

Thanks for your reply. Glad to see things are better for you!

We were civil, agreed to meet up and talk next week after things had calmed down abit and after she had got back a trip with her. I was still foolishly hopeful to try and sort everything out but she calls me accusing me of attacking her with a song I posted? I posted the song 'Melt' by Siouxsie And The Banshees, everyone I know knows they're one of my favourite bands, the lyrics are sexual but I was listening to it so I posted it, with no intent other than I like the song! Apparently it was an attack on her, shows I don't care and only wanted sex. She destroyed and cheapened one of our happiest memories, where I sent her a cute and slightly saucy card with some roses on valentines day. That made her so happy, she loved it and said she was glad I sent that rather than something other the top. Now she's saying it proves I only ever wanted sex! She lives in an hour and a half trainride away, why would I go through all that to see her JUST for sex? The hilariously mad thing is she was the one who used who used to talk about it/want it nonstop!

And once again I'm being accused of sleeping with people I DON'T EVEN KNOW!

What I really don't understand is how a person who is so sensitive cannot see how broken I am from this? She always claims to be an empath but refuses or is incapable of seeing that I love her so much! I would still have done anything for her.

This isn't the first time something like this happened, she's often accused me of posting things to upset her, which is so goddamn absurd! We like a lot of the same stuff, but I also like a lot of metal/heavy stuff and a lot of kind of moody stuff, it does not bother me one iota that we some stuff thats different, but it really bothers her and she used it against me alot. It's normal to like different  stuff! Only teenagers have to like the same stuff! It sounds so stupid that it's even an issue!

But this is probably a wake up now that there is literally no point anymore. I can't keep tearing myself apart over this.