Is she being manipulative?

[Twice divorced]

I have been in a relationship for nearly a year with a 56 year old woman, highly attractive, bright and successful, she is currently pulling away, we have discussed living together, but now she seems unsure, I am left with the feeling she doesn't care, although she maintains that she loves me and just needs more time as it takes her longer than 'normal' people to establish a relationship, all seems ok when on holiday, but not great in the real world. I am trying very hard, but left with the feeling I may be just being used for support and a holiday buddy, everything seems to be on her terms. She has very fees friends, bit of a hermit, and poor relationships with all her family, really need some guidance

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Coconut2017]

I would not jump into conclusions.
Maybe just talk to her and find out what are her worries about living together.
Maybe she is a type of person who loves her personal space and is protective about it? Maybe she is worried about compromises to her lifestyle that she would like to make?
Find out the real reason.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Twice Divorced,

Welcome to the community. I"m sorry that you are going through a difficult time with your gf. I can imagine how frustrating it woul dbe to want to take things to a higher level only to have things put on hold longer than you would like.

What makes you believe she has BPD?

One thing some people with BPD have is what is called a fear of engulfment. pwBPD feel things very strongly and sometimes they worry that they will be completely overtaken with their emotions for another person. They worry about losing themselves. Does that make sense?

[lostandconfused6]

my BPDbf and I have been together almost 2 years... .he is living with his parents at the moment I don't push to move in anymore because it gets me nowhere... .he has given me reasons recently as to why he doesn't want to live with me yet and they have been he doesn't want to make the same misteaks he made in the past when he moved in to soon with other girls... .another one has been he doesn't feel stable enough to live with me and wants to be able to provide for me (I make more than enough money to support myself and don't expect him to pay my way) I respect the part about him wanting to be out of school and get a job and be more stable... .I have a problem with him saying he doesn't want to make the same mistakes... .I go above and beyond to prove i'm not like the other girls he's been with and it makes me so angry when he says he doesn't want to do something because of the way his exs were... .unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it.