She wont leave me alone (possible H)

[Depression = 72% of members]

I will try to keep this short because it's a lot to this... long story short my exwBPD had a 2 1/2 relationship... .she started to pull away when I told her I did not want to try for anymore kids for the time being... well she agreed then she's like we should release balloons and then after that go our separate ways. I confronted her about this because how she worded it and she said NO she was not leaving... so we released the balloons and she cried and that was that... anyways about 2-3 weeks later she said she was going to her country to see her family and so on... she called and texted me... the next day is when I got the message telling me she was getting married and saying how it's all of a sudden and how I should treat the next girlfriend better... blah blah...

Well after a little back and forth I decided to do N/C for at least 4 weeks and during that time she would call and try to say she did not mean to call or it was someone else... But the biggest thing of all is she is trying to go around and ask my friends how I'm doing... and it's to the point now I don't think she cares if they see how crazy she is acting now... as you know she tried to make all these lies about me but my friends knew better and my friends we on a road trip together and we all were talking and we all told each other the lies she told us... so it makes me wonder like does she care about if they know anymore?

Right now she's still snooping like putting up pictures I took to make it her main pictures or she will copy my tagline and use it on a messager service... it's to the point now where I think she think's this is a joke... and I can't really say I feel bad for her.

[alwaysloving]

I will try to keep this short because it's a lot to this... long story short my exwBPD had a 2 1/2 relationship... .she started to pull away when I told her I did not want to try for anymore kids for the time being... well she agreed then she's like we should release balloons and then after that go our separate ways. I confronted her about this because how she worded it and she said NO she was not leaving... so we released the balloons and she cried and that was that... anyways about 2-3 weeks later she said she was going to her country to see her family and so on... she called and texted me... the next day is when I got the message telling me she was getting married and saying how it's all of a sudden and how I should treat the next girlfriend better... blah blah...

Well after a little back and forth I decided to do N/C for at least 4 weeks and during that time she would call and try to say she did not mean to call or it was someone else... But the biggest thing of all is she is trying to go around and ask my friends how I'm doing... and it's to the point now I don't think she cares if they see how crazy she is acting now... as you know she tried to make all these lies about me but my friends knew better and my friends we on a road trip together and we all were talking and we all told each other the lies she told us... so it makes me wonder like does she care about if they know anymore?

Right now she's still snooping like putting up pictures I took to make it her main pictures or she will copy my tagline and use it on a messager service... it's to the point now where I think she think's this is a joke... and I can't really say I feel bad for her.

[alwaysloving]

Anyone?

[dazedandconfuzed]

How's the NC going

[Mutt]

Hi alwaysloving,



Your friends are going to be loyal to you, the way that you present yourself to your friends and romantic partner is going to have slight variations.

For one, a pwBPD want a r/s like you or anyone else, a symptom from the disorder is that they can’t stay stable in a romantic r/s because intimacy triggers them.

Well after a little back and forth I decided to do N/C for at least 4 weeks

Can you tell us why you settled on 4 months? Where you testing her?

But the biggest thing of all is she is trying to go around and ask my friends how I'm doing... and it's to the point now I don't think she cares if they see how crazy she is acting now.

Another symptom from the disorder is abandonment fears, a pwBPD frantically avoid being abandoned, sometimes they fulfill this prophesy by abandoning you before you abandon them. The logic is they weren’t abandoned if they find fault with you or the r/s. It’s self destructive behaviour in interpersonal r/s.

I think what you triggered, or start d to trigger is an extinction burst when she was frantically contacting friends. A pwBPD will get accustomed with how you respond to a number of things in your r/s.

I like using my D for an example with extreme notion bursts because of the way that she was acting - it was really tugging at my heart. At around a year and half to two years we decided to take away her soother - it was something that brought her comfort. As a baby she’s cry and she anticipated a response from her parents, she’s hungry, she’s wet, she wants her soother etc.

She’s not getting the response that she’s used to  it’s a routine. So the crying became worse and more dramatic as the days passed it was really tough as parent to not give your kid something that they need.

One night the crying was the worst that I had heard from her then it stopped completely, she was quiet fell asleep and from that day forward she had broken this routine for that specific item / need.

The takeaway is that the behaviour worsens if you don’t respond in a way that a pwBPD expect from you, it you keep NC and don’t respond back the behaviour escalates until it peaks and they have an extinction burst... You’re broken up - it’s crazy making behaviour to you, a pwBPD don’t completely detach from their attachments.

[alwaysloving]

Hi alwaysloving,



Your friends are going to be loyal to you, the way that you present yourself to your friends and romantic partner is going to have slight variations.

For one, a pwBPD want a r/s like you or anyone else, a symptom from the disorder is that they can’t stay stable in a romantic r/s because intimacy triggers them.

Can you tell us why you settled on 4 months? Where you testing her?


Another symptom from the disorder is abandonment fears, a pwBPD frantically avoid being abandoned, sometimes they fulfill this prophesy by abandoning you before you abandon them. The logic is they weren’t abandoned if they find fault with you or the r/s. It’s self destructive behaviour in interpersonal r/s.


I think what you triggered, or start d to trigger is an extinction burst when she was frantically contacting friends. A pwBPD will get accustomed with how you respond to a number of things in your r/s. If she's accustomed to how I respond to things in a relationship why would she need to contact friends?

I like using my D for an example with extreme notion bursts because of the way that she was acting - it was really tugging at my heart. At around a year and half to two years we decided to take away her soother - it was something that brought her comfort. As a baby she’s cry and she anticipated a response from her parents, she’s hungry, she’s wet, she wants her soother etc.

She’s not getting the response that she’s used to  it’s a routine. So the crying became worse and more dramatic as the days passed it was really tough as parent to not give your kid something that they need.

One night the crying was the worst that I had heard from her then it stopped completely, she was quiet fell asleep and from that day forward she had broken this routine for that specific item / need.

The takeaway is that the behaviour worsens if you don’t respond in a way that a pwBPD expect from you, it you keep NC and don’t respond back the behaviour escalates until it peaks and they have an extinction burst... You’re broken up - it’s crazy making behaviour to you, a pwBPD don’t completely detach from their attachments.

It was 4 weeks NC it was more or less of seeing if she would try to contact me first which she did... and I mean she was really trying... sending messages but then saying she sent it by mistake... she did that twice with me and once with my friend... sent a picture to her with her new phone and said Oh that was by mistake and then proceeded to ask how was I doing.

She ALWAYS... I mean ALWAYS accused me of cheating on her... .sometimes it would be stuff so far fetched I would think to myself and be like Oh god... here we go again... what it made me do and it pissed her off more was I got so used of her acting like that it no longer go a reaction out of me like she was thinking and she went off on me not reacting

You know when she contacted my friend after trying to say she sent the picture of her phone my friend went off on her... she was like look you are married now and you have a husband let [Me] have his peace. it's funny because I think the same night she tried to call me and I never picked up...

and for the past week now she's been posting old pictures of herself that I took of her like right now it's a picture I took of her when we first met... .or when we took our first vacation together... .

To be really honest I kinda feel kind of bad for her... .Now only that but how and who knows what she told her friend's but you say broke up with me and you get married like 2-3 weeks later and you try and act all happy... and the crazy thing is... she's still contacting me... so if makes me think if you are doing this now she sure was doing it while I was with her.