how to explain to family/friends / Holidays :(

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello everyone. My divorce went through several months ago. I've been 99.9% NC for about 7 months now. I don't normally look forward to the holidays, but I'm really scared about this year. Some of my relatives/ friends met my ex (once) after we had been married about one year, and I haven't seen them since then. I am terrified and clueless as to how to explain or talk about what happened (hell) with my BPD ex. I also went through hell after leaving him (suicidal, major depression). I've been very open with my close friends and family members, but I'll be seeing a lot of people soon.
I am still confused about so many things, and slowly trying to figure them out.
Going into even a little detail about what happened with him gives me anxiety and I am also suffering from PTSD. I don't want to simply say "it didn't work out" because I feel it devalues the suffering I went through and also diminishes the severity of the situation. I want to be honest and also honor what I went through. I feel embarrassed to say "He is mentally unstable" and I didn't know, etc.
Any ideas?

[butterflylove]

Hello everyone. My divorce went through several months ago. I've been 99.9% NC for about 7 months now. I don't normally look forward to the holidays, but I'm really scared about this year. Some of my relatives/ friends met my ex (once) after we had been married about one year, and I haven't seen them since then. I am terrified and clueless as to how to explain or talk about what happened (hell) with my BPD ex. I also went through hell after leaving him (suicidal, major depression). I've been very open with my close friends and family members, but I'll be seeing a lot of people soon.
I am still confused about so many things, and slowly trying to figure them out.
Going into even a little detail about what happened with him gives me anxiety and I am also suffering from PTSD. I don't want to simply say "it didn't work out" because I feel it devalues the suffering I went through and also diminishes the severity of the situation. I want to be honest and also honor what I went through. I feel embarrassed to say "He is mentally unstable" and I didn't know, etc.
Any ideas?

[babyducks]

Hi butterflylove,

I would suggest going into no detail what's so ever.    If I understand you correctly these are people who you don't share a close relationship with and don't really have a need to know.   

If discussing it raises your level of anxiety I would suggest a phrase that you prepare before,... .practice it in a mirror if that helps.   Something like

I went through a very difficult time with my ex, and I am not able to really talk about it right now.   Let's talk about something more pleasant.    Isn't this a nice party.

or

Ex and I are no longer together.   It's been a very hard year and I am looking forward to 2018.  What about you?   Any plans for 2018?

or even,

Oh my that's a topic that's too much for this party.    Let's pick something else to talk about.

My P used to say Less is More.    Which meant, less words, less explanations, less need to participate in things that bothered me.   

'ducks

[hope2727]

I would suggest going into no detail what's so ever.

this exactly. Try practicing lines in advance like ... .

It was very sad but this is a happy occasion lets stick to that.

or

Thanks for your concern maybe we can talk about it some other time but tonight is about family how has yours been?

I;m just happy to be here among family what has yours been up to?

Smile sweetly and enforce your boundaries.