Hi RC,
This is the part where I begin by admitting that I didn't get to the gym However, just as good if not better - I rested. Which is something I'm worse at allowing myself to do than anything else. So I think my message here is that whilst it's good to have goals, it's also important to be flexible with yourself and allow yourself to be in the moment, as this is as effective as any selected activity in accepting where you are and being compassionate with yourself.
Meili has asked you some good questions above. It's never easy thinking about this stuff and good on you for really giving it some serious thought. Not everyone is ready to look at this stuff, but this is where lasting change can be made, not only in our relationships but for ourselves in our lives overall. Handling conflict isn't fun for anybody and throwing in the threat of violent behaviour as you've had to suffer adds a whole new dynamic.
I'm asking myself many of the same questions at the moment as I find myself struggling to be clear to someone who is giving me too much attention at a group I attend that I am not interested and wish to be left alone. I don't fear any violence, yet my responses are ingrained and I am having to push myself outside of my comfort zone and accept a feeling of discomfort in order to tackle this in a more direct way. Needless to say I see I still have a ways to go with this.
If she gets upset, if the world doesn't bend over backwards to try to establish equilibrium for her, she may eventually figure out how to do it on her own, and at the very least I won't be killing myself doing an incomplete job of establishing equilibrium for her. That's essentially where I am. She may figure it out, she may not. I hope she does. Not my job anymore.
Letting go of the need to try to establish equilibrium for others is extremely freeing and I am looking forward to being able to make your final statement too when I have stopped putting this other random individual's feelings before my own. The group I attend is important to me and trying not to upset someone else is spoiling it for me, so action is required on my part. This entire process is one of growth for us, and I see real growth in your words RC. How is your weekend shaping up for you? I am heading out to see the new Star Wars movie mid morning to give myself some 'me time', relaxing and resting in a horizontal manner in my gold class seat. What are you doing for yourself?
Love and light x
