What is up with the mantras?

[Depression = 72% of members]

What is it with the continual string of mantas?

You don't love me enough to ... .

You don't care ... .

You're the meanest person

I guess I am venting now. It has been a hard 4 days.

[5min]

What is it with the continual string of mantas?

You don't love me enough to ... .

You don't care ... .

You're the meanest person

I guess I am venting now. It has been a hard 4 days.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

It sounds like like your pwBPD is trying to tell you how he or she feels. They just don't have the communication skills to say "I'm feeling ______" so it comes out as an attack instead.

More importantly, when your pwBPD says these things, what do you say or do?

Validation Skills , Stop Invalidating Others , and Asking Validating Questions might really help you find new ways to respond to your pwBPD when those accusations come.

[5min]

More in the last few minutes.

You've got to fix this.

I'm dying

I want to die

I am so tired of the "how I feel" attacks. I am tired of reality being what she feels - not what is real. I'm tired of always following JADE. I'm tired of every decision being wrong. I'm just tired of the relationship. It's not worth it.

[Tattered Heart]

I know it's hard. But having to always look at our own responses is a part of living successfully with someone with BPD. If we let their emotions always control our own, then we will be tossed and blown around by every wind. Right now you are allowing him to control your emotional energy.

So what can you do to get yourself off the roller coaster ride of his emotions?

[5min]

Her - my BPD wife.
I hear what you are saying and agree. We have to look at our responses also for those without in being decent people.

I'm just sick of everything I say, I did not say but she says I did, what she says, but then denies she said it being an attack, hateful, or a jab. I sick of someone so toxic who can say any hateful thing, be as caustic as she wants, but no one can say anything they she might perceive as offensive. I've heard "did you hear how you said that?" 100's of times and yet she never hears herself say the hateful crap that exits her mouth. End rant.

[ortac77]

Hey 5 min

You have a right to rant here! Sometimes we all need to rant, you are human and living with BPD is very difficult.

You are not alone, I am told I say things, the way I say things, the way I don't say things - all me - twisted and distorted, but you know what - I know what I have said and how I have said it.

Sometimes I get it wrong - ok - I'm Human but I cannot spend my life second guessing the reaction of my pwBPD, nor can I really take much notice of the accusations and distortions and downright lies that he tells when he is emotionally dysregulated. Love & Hate/Black & White/Go or stay/ all part of this illness. They are desperately needy and driven by feelings, it leaves little room for yours sadly.

Don't JADE - you have a right to your feelings and opinions. Don't take any notice of the hurtful things said to you, if they are not real - they are not real! Validate if you can but give yourself space and learn to detach otherwise this illness will drive you crazy, I know I have been there.