Looking for advice on “sitting with my feelings”

[JNChell]

I’ve read in several other threads, and have been given similar advice on how I should sit with my feelings and try not to analyze them. To just let them be. This is difficult for me. Can someone provide some advice on how to achieve this? Is like a meditation or similar? Any help is appreciated.

[FindingMe2011]

Maybe a reference to the 5 stages of grief? It takes some growth, to truly get to acceptance... .Feelings are fleeting, and changing... .and when mixed with immaturity, it tends, to make our decision making ability, a bit foggy... .funny you mention meditation, and i guess one could relate the 2... .but meditation really is more to do with, ones subconscious, which really is, at the root of all peoples issues

[once removed]

different strokes for different folks really. some get quite meditative.

to me its about detaching from my feelings almost to the point that i have a third party perspective. i can probe them, ask them questions, see where they lead, like a piece of string. to me its about observing them. it removes some of the sting, and i can learn from them rather than just feel them.

this is my personal go to: https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind

[JNChell]

Thanks for the link once removed. I’ve bookmarked it and will be re-reading it quite a bit. I think that’ll be a good tool to use when I’m trying to sit with my feelings. What really resonated with me are the parts about responding that Skip outlined on the “Read More” thread (tab at the end of the article). That is something I’m definitely struggling with. Like FindingMe2011 said, immature thinking. Thanks for the input. I appreciate it.

[once removed]

I think that’ll be a good tool to use when I’m trying to sit with my feelings.

its been with me ever since and completely changed how i approach and manage grief.

What really resonated with me are the parts about responding that Skip outlined on the “Read More” thread (tab at the end of the article).

TONS of great wisdom and additional information in the skills workshops. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

[valet]

A thing that has helped me quite a bit in this area is to interpret the word 'feelings' pretty literally, aka bodily sensations. I try to use the question 'what?' as opposed to 'how?' or 'why?', which can send my head spinning.

The idea is to practice being aware of things, including ourselves, so that we become less externally reactive. That way, when we've calmed down, we aren't in the position where we've let how our bodies react dictate preconceived notions or biases about how we should precede.

Obviously, we make mistakes, even if we master practices like these. But if we're making less impulsive decisions and more well thought out ones (especially about major life stuff like relationships, finances, jobs, etc.), I'd say we're doing a good job.

[earlyL]

Hi JNChell,

I really found the wise mind info what helped me, but I had to make myself think of it as soon as I was feeling overwhelmed. I kept reading up on everything about it, I found it comforting and I guess kind of saturated myself in it, but it took time to get into my head in a way that it became part of my thinking. I find now that I am able to experience difficult feelings but somehow see myself experience them, almost like an out of body experience watching myself. Everyone is different, but I would say the fact that you are asking these questions and thinking about acceptance means you are on the right path. You may be moving forward more than you think and at some point it will become more natural.

EL

[Harley Quinn]

Hi JNChell,

This is a great question and shows that you are really working on your healing actively, rather than allowing yourself to potentially get stuck.

Personally, I practice mindfulness and this has been tremendously helpful in many aspects of my life, not least dealing with intense emotions and unhelpful thought processes.  Mindfulness is about paying attention in a particular way, on purpose, in the present moment, and non judgmentally.  This can be learned through formal meditation practice and applied to daily living, equipping us to handle 'on the spot' situations more effectively by detaching from them and observing with kindness, acceptance and curiosity.  John Kabat-Zinn developed MBSR (mindfulness based stress reduction) and there are many online resources that can be found with mindfulness meditation, where the basics can be learned.

In a nutshell, it is a way of stepping back and having awareness of what is going on with us in the moment, from physical sensations, thoughts and feelings.  We can also be mindfully aware of our external environment through our senses.  

I tend to notice what I'm feeling physically and acknowledge it.  You can even say something internally like, 'Ah, I am feeling my heart racing, and I notice that my breathing has become faster' or 'I see that I am feeling overwhelmed right now' in an observational way.  If we remove ourselves from what is happening and treat these things with curiosity, rather than attaching any story to them, they do not linger as long.  :)on't judge the thought or feeling as good or bad.  They just are.  They come and they go.  

We can also notice the parts of our body for example which feel great, or where there is an absence of discomfort.  In essence, that thought or that feeling is a part of our experience, but it is not all of it.  Which helps us to be more aware of the whole and recognise that what may have been perceived as all consuming and demanding of full attention, is in fact not everything about that moment.  This has been really valuable to me in managing situations where I am feeling great pain, whether physical or emotional.

Do let us know what you find works well for you as you experiment with techniques.  We each find what works for us and it can be helpful for others to hear your experiences.

Love and light x    

[JNChell]

Thanks HQ. I don’t know what else to say other than that.

[JNChell]

HQ, I can’t stay stuck anymore. That’s why I’m here.

[JNChell]

Thanks everyone for the help and guidance. I think I’ll be revisiting this thread quite a bit.

[Jeffree]

JNChell,

Be in the now.

No judgments of it, no analysis of it, no running from it... .just complete acceptance of it.

Om

J

[FindingMe2011]

HQ, I can’t stay stuck anymore. That’s why I’m here.

If you feel stuck... .Then that is what you are... .Its also a process... .as what works for you, may not work for others... .Revisit your childhood... .learn about your subconscious... .could become a lightbulb moment... .Kudos to you... .This could be, the road to the peace, you have been searching for... .Be prepared for setbacks... .expect them... .Im thinking, you are starting to see, just how difficult, it is to change ones beliefs. Are you seeing how much, our subconscious, has control of our conscious? This is the road to a healthier life... .I wish u well PEACE