Wife diagnosed BPD with Narcissitic traits

[committedhusband]

So I've been on this long and bumpy road trying to navigate by myself long enough. Hoping to find support and solid advice on how to either move on from my marriage or to preferably salvage it. My story is a long one with many twists and turns, and I am sure there are others dealing with much more than myself. So any and all support/advice is greatly appreciated from anyone who has similar experiences.

My wife and I met nearly 7 years ago through a dating site (yea yea... .I know... ) We, like many other BPD/Co-dependent relationships had an unbreakable bond and extremely loving start (I being the co-dependent-recovering co-dependent that is). We married a little over a year after meeting and were as happy as ever! But the "bad" started to happen in our lives... The sad part is, the bad was never between my wife and myself... It was related to outside stressors which effected my wife profoundly and had created enormous difficulty within our marriage. We learned of my wife's BPD diagnoses during her custody battle with her first ex-husband... My wife lost primary custody of her then 3yo son... Which I am sure you all can understand, did not sit well with my wife. Shortly after experiencing the loss of custody, we had a miscarriage... Loss #2 within a 3 month time frame... .After waiting about 3-4 months, we decided to try again and I can proudly say we have the most beautiful little girl in the world now! But let's not get too far ahead here... So after the miscarriage my wife experienced another loss... In her opinion it was (and still is) the biggest loss she has ever experienced. She was 3 weeks from graduating with her nursing degree when she was kicked out of the program for unethical behavior... She was not going to be able to finish all of her clinical hours in time and tried to get a Nurse to sign off on hours that she never completed... The Dean over the nursing program had little sympathy and my wife was removed and lost all credit for the last semester. 3 losses in less than 2 years... And every loss was directly related to the BPD... I simply did not see it until she had the affair and left the marriage over a year and a half ago. I have learned so much about BPD and co-dependency since and have grown tremendously since. So I am trying so hard to reconcile with my wife, which we have 3-4 times over the year and a half but continue to hit road blocks along the way. I think I have a solid understanding of why she does what she does, but my struggle now is boundary setting... I attempted to set my first real boundary last night and I fear that she has done what I believe the BP's reaction should be at first... Shes running. I am at work typing this and my gut feeling is that she has packed up her things and left with our daughter back to her mothers (who is also BP). The boundary is that I will not have marijuana in my home. I accept that she uses it to relieve anxiety, but in all reality it is illegal in this state. I told her that I accept that she is using it, but it will not be kept in my home and any consequences are solely hers. So I believe the boundary I set is not the issue, since I would have set that same boundary for my children as well. The issue is with her looking for reasons to leave or justify her continued need to run back to the "other guy", who has issues with addiction as well. My wife is going down a bad road... And I am trying so hard to support and love her without being used by her or hurt by her impulsivity. So I guess I am looking for support and advice from anyone who may be experiencing or has experienced similar issues. There is much more to this story, including my parts in the decay of the relationship, so please believe that I do not "blame" my wife for everything that is going on. I have found my faith along this journey and I am grateful for that. My goal is for rebuilding my self confidence while showing my wife that I love her by making appropriate decisions during the reconciliation process. Please feel free to respond! I definitely need guidance!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

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