Struggling to Cope with Her Fears and Defense Mechanisms

[Chippy]

OK, well it talks about starting with and introduction... .so here I am.  I have been in a relationship of one form or another (sometimes dating, sometimes friends, sometimes ex's) for several years with a woman who suffers from BPD.  She is fairly high functioning (can often behave "normally" and can be productive, but has significant interpersonal, motivation, and employment struggles).

I have been learning as much as I can about BPD, and that has helped me greatly. I can (sometimes) recognize many of her destructive, manipulative, and abusive behaviors as manifestations of BPD.  But I am struggling greatly with how to cope with those behaviors.  For example, I can recognize that when she says I'm a liar and a terrible person, that she doesn't actually mean that, rather it is just her defense mechanisms. Or when she lies about something, it's from some sort of fear... .but I'm still struggling with how to cope with that.

I also have my own struggles that I am working through; depression, anxiety, and serious insecurity issues (which unfortunately make me even more susceptible to manipulation)

So, Just scratching the surface here, probably can't write everything all at once :-) But the important thing is that I've realized that I can't just "take" everything she throws at me, and I need help and support.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Chippy,

Glad you found us! Yes, this is a great place for help and support. I've been here since last summer and it was an unbelievable relief for me to realize that other people were dealing with similar issues.

It sounds like her lying to you is a big issue. What other issues are you facing and how are you approaching them so far?

wishing you peace, pearl.