Hi MeandThee29. I was doing a "getting to know you" browse through your posts after seeing your post in another thread and came across this one. The lines above resonated with me and I'm wondering if you can share more about how you are handling the external pressure to fix your marriage.
I'm encountering much of the same and even feel pressure to "feel sad" because my marriage is broken. It sometimes feels like people are disappointed and concerned that when they look me in the eye and say "How are you doing?" they don't encounter this deep well of sadness hiding behind a cheery mask. It seems very wrong to them that I am genuinely okay, and even happy. Especially when contrasted with dBPDh's "I'm in a lot of pain because she left me and I want this marriage so badly that I'd do anything if she'd only just tell me what she wants from me".
BeagleGirl
My counsellor had me write out the truths of the situation to look at and remind myself. Things like how he bullied me, isolated me, and tried to control me inappropriately.
I am part of a faith community that really "gets" it thankfully. I met with the leadership on Sunday, and they were very strong that unlikely as it will be, any reconciliation has to be done with counselling and in the context of that faith community. They understand the whole BPD/NPD context. No one-on-one because of the manipulation and emotional abuse.
My bwPBD sees himself as being above all that and wants to run the reconciliation himself. Nope. He also says that he doesn't need counselling, and that I have to move there alone to reconcile with him in charge.
His relatives have largely bought the line that it's all my fault and are actually not helping at all by taking his side, but the reality is that apart from a miracle, the marriage is headed for long-term separation or divorce. I have no contact with them other than one sibling who has a more informed, balanced view.
It was a huge step for me to basically let go and accept that the folks here see the situation for what it is, and his relatives don't. We've lived here for decades, and his relatives only know the past via phone calls and a few isolated visits. I tend to be a bit of a people-pleaser and grieved over the loss of the relationship with them, but so it is.
