GF of 3 years broke up with me

[Kmadr3088]

Hi, this is my first time ever doing anything like this, so bear with me, please.
My girlfriend (who is diagnosed with BPD) of 3 and a half years broke up with me today. It came out of absolutely nowhere. she messaged me on facebook and sent me a long message about how she doesn't love me romantically anymore, but she still cares about me as a friend. She also says she doesn't have the energy to care about anybody else, other than herself, for the time being. I don't know what to do with this. This girl was my life. I bent over backwards to ensure she was always happy, and to be dropped like this feels awful. There's a part of me that wants to rage and be angry, but there's another part of me that wants to beg her to come back. I feel destitute, cheated, and used. What should I do? any advice is greatly appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Kmadr3088,

No problem! It's okay to find your way around and figure this place out as you go!

I am so sorry for your shock and pain. I had a boyfriend who once told me he "would never ever break up with me, he loved me soo much" just days later break up with me for no reason and never really giving me a chance to speak with him or understand why. So, I can deeply relate to your shock and hurt.

She knows she has BPD? Has she been getting any treatment for it? Does she understand it very well? Did she give any reason for the break? Has she done this before?

I am no expert in these matters, but from what I've read here, if she has broken up with you, you could try calling in a few days to see how she is, but best not to put any pressure on her over the state of the relationship. I hope other senior members will correct if I am misspeaking here. I think you will find a lot of comparable experiences if you read through the site a bit and some good coaching on this topic.

Although I can't offer so much in this moment, my time is a bit limited, I did want to let you know that there are people here who can help... .it just sometimes takes a little time to connect with them.

Please keep posting and asking questions! Hopefully others will join us here soon!

take care, pearl.

[Mutt]

Hi pearlsw,



I’d like to join pearlsw and welcome you to the site. I’m sorry to heart that. That has to be shocking and painful like pearlsw said. It helps to talk to others that are in a similar situation you’re not alone.

It’s natural to feel angry after what you went through. I suggest to talk about your anger and your feelings here. This is a safe place where you won’t be judged or invalidated fir your thoughts. I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts.

[Radcliff]

Kmadr3088, let me join pearlsw and Mutt in welcoming you.  Time is your friend here.  With some time, you will feel more balanced, and better able to either cope with the loss, or better able to calmly approach potentially getting back together without pushing too hard.  How are you doing today?

WW