Talking to the my mother's general practitionner, good/bad idea?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My relationship with my uBPD mother has never been worse. She's aggressing me verbally/ emotionally / and even physically at some... "light"... degree, like provoking me. Her emotional surcharge is so high lately, I think she has some audition hallucinations. We live together. I don't want to plunge to the details of this "choice" right now. But I'm at the very high stress lately, always on my guards, if I hadn't figured I'm dealing with a pwBPD, I'd said my mother's gone mad... .

So this said, my mother and I, we have the same GP. I'm definitely going to see him for my anxiety issues, but is it worth telling him about my mother's issues? I mean he hasn't got a clue about this. He just gives her some basic stuff. My mother is totally unaware of how she hurts me, because I'm the villain here, nor she would be willing to change or undergo any therapy, because it is me the crazy one. I fear that if I'd told her GP about her issues and she'd found out that I've "betrayed" her, like slandered her, she would declare the worst war ever to me, and would simply change the GP. Nor, I think, the GP would be of a much help, since he could not force her to take any treatment because of this. I'm not even sure if he'd attempt to. He would probably not understand why I'm living with her anyways... like many. But it could be all just my fears. I don't know. Do you have any experience with this? Would talking to GP be any help? I'm hesitating a lot. I'd take a lot of risks by doing this betrayal... Please, give me some ideas.

[FoxC]

My relationship with my uBPD mother has never been worse. She's aggressing me verbally/ emotionally / and even physically at some... "light"... degree, like provoking me. Her emotional surcharge is so high lately, I think she has some audition hallucinations. We live together. I don't want to plunge to the details of this "choice" right now. But I'm at the very high stress lately, always on my guards, if I hadn't figured I'm dealing with a pwBPD, I'd said my mother's gone mad... .

So this said, my mother and I, we have the same GP. I'm definitely going to see him for my anxiety issues, but is it worth telling him about my mother's issues? I mean he hasn't got a clue about this. He just gives her some basic stuff. My mother is totally unaware of how she hurts me, because I'm the villain here, nor she would be willing to change or undergo any therapy, because it is me the crazy one. I fear that if I'd told her GP about her issues and she'd found out that I've "betrayed" her, like slandered her, she would declare the worst war ever to me, and would simply change the GP. Nor, I think, the GP would be of a much help, since he could not force her to take any treatment because of this. I'm not even sure if he'd attempt to. He would probably not understand why I'm living with her anyways... like many. But it could be all just my fears. I don't know. Do you have any experience with this? Would talking to GP be any help? I'm hesitating a lot. I'd take a lot of risks by doing this betrayal... Please, give me some ideas.

[Notwendy]

Unless your mother has signed a consent - the GP may not be able to say much to you. He could listen, but then I don't know where this would lead to.

I think you can speak about this as it relates to you. If he is treating you for anxiety, then he may want to know the source of it. However, I don't think he can share information you give him with your mother due to privacy laws unless you have consented to that. He also can not force her into some kind of treatment based on what you tell him. That is between him and her.

I can recall a situation where speaking to my parents' doctor backfired. Both of my parents went to the same GP. In his elder years, my father signed a consent for his doctor to speak to me about his health as he had several health problems. I felt it was better to hear from the doctor than my mother about them as I don't know how accurate what she told me was. My mother did not sign a consent- she does not want me to speak to him about her.

When my father got ill, I was concerned about what kind of care he may be getting at home and discussed this with the doctor. My mother's BPD is a huge family secret and although she has a psychiatric history, due to privacy laws, it is possible that her GP did not know- and this was also before electronic medical records where he may have accessed other information about her. My father found out that I revealed her situation and got angry at me for doing that.

From my own experience, I would say focus on you. If you have anxiety due to your situation with her, tell it from your point of view.  I would think he would ask about possible causes/stresses - and you should be honest with him about your feelings and stresses so he can help you. He may recommend counseling as well.

[CollectedChaos]

Hi FoxC,

I'd like to echo what Notwendy stated - I think it's fine to talk to your GP about the issues as they relate to you and what you'd like to address.  Your mom's issues are seemingly the reason for your anxiety, so there's no harm in mentioning them in the context of how they are affecting you.  Speaking directly about her issues though, outside of the context of how they affect you, is probably not a good idea.  I have no doubt that your doc will listen to you regardless, but due to doctor/patient confidentiality there isn't really anything he could do differently with her care, and it should never get back to her.  If, for whatever reason, it does get back to her - if you keep the conversation in the frame of how the behaviors are affecting you there's also no way for her to have any legs to stand on when she rages against you for slandering her, etc.  You were simply speaking about your issues, and you were definitely not in the wrong for doing so, regardless of what she may feel or believe.  But speaking more directly about her could muddy the waters a little and give her some leverage that I'm sure you don't want to give.

[peaceseeker500]

Just going through this myself at the moment, and so much of what you say rings true for me - esp the bit about her not needing help as it is me who is crazy and the villain and her not realising how hurtful her abuse is. 

I went to see my GP about my own not sleeping due to my mother’s latest episodes. As we have the same GP and I am listed on her file as being allowed to speak to her GP we had an open conversation about her, partly because I have chosen to try NC and up until recently I have been my mums main contact with the world she has cut everyone else off, including refusing to engage with her GP. She is disabled as well as having undiagnosed BPD.

I raised concern that my mother was at risk due to her isolating herself that she had threatened suicide recently along with telling me she had no food in the house and was no longer eating so she could die. The GP spoke to the main partner in the surgery and the long and short of it was that they made a home visit today. Mum didn’t open the door as she has gone into lockdown mode so eventually the GP asked if my husband would go round with him to let him in using the key from the key safe,

Not sure if this will help you make a decision or not but the outcome has left me a little Bewildered and wondering if I did the right thing, Part of me thinks at least now the GP is aware of mums state of mind so I can switch off some of my own guilt at going NC.  At the same time, we are still not really any closer to getting her any real help. My mum turned on the tears and shouting routine with the GP and he has agreed to get her some counselling but whether she will go remains to be seen (she wrote to me when I suggested she get counselling that she didn’t need some childish psycholgist telling her what to do), what I did realise is that having had the GP go round, all the guilt and threats she told me in her emails and voicemails when I stopped responding were lies, she told me she had no food, the GP checked and there is food in the house and evidence that she is eating, she told me she couldn’t trust speaking to anyone other than me but then told the GP She was in touch with her sister and “friends.” Online. And so it goes on.

So in some cases the GP will do something but part of me wishes I had stayed in my bubble of denial.

Stay strong. X

So this said, my mother and I, we have the same GP. I'm definitely going to see him for my anxiety issues, but is it worth telling him about my mother's issues? I mean he hasn't got a clue about this. He just gives her some basic stuff. My mother is totally unaware of how she hurts me, because I'm the villain here, nor she would be willing to change or undergo any therapy, because it is me the crazy one. I fear that if I'd told her GP about her issues and she'd found out that I've "betrayed" her, like slandered her, she would declare the worst war ever to me, and would simply change the GP. Nor, I think, the GP would be of a much help, since he could not force her to take any treatment because of this. I'm not even sure if he'd attempt to. He would probably not understand why I'm living with her anyways... like many. But it could be all just my fears. I don't know. Do you have any experience with this? Would talking to GP be any help? I'm hesitating a lot. I'd take a lot of risks by doing this betrayal... Please, give me some ideas.
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