What's normal? I think it's just a setting on the dryer...

[1hope]

Hi everyone,
Just checking in... .I'm learning, trying the strategies on here, and we're having some success.  One step forward, three steps back, you know what I mean!

My husband and I saw our counsellor this week and talked about our steps forward (talking to BPDD19 about moving forward with seeking social assistance to pay her rent, telling her about the vacation we will be going on in March with her brother).  That was Monday.  On Tuesday the hospital called us about an appointment for her , as they couldn't contact her by phone.  We found out her phone had been disconnected for late payment.  Safety-wise, we knew this wasn't something we could just leave as a "lesson", as she doesn't have a landline at her apartment.  I spent the evening trying to get her phone reconnected.  After it was reconnected, she thanked me, and I asked her about paying back the debt.  I mentioned that she could follow through on her "plan" to set up a meeting to move forward with social assistance.  She told me she already had an appointment for this past Friday.  I asked if she would like a ride, she said yes.  Progress?  Hopefully.

As far as the cost of the phone bill, later this week we discussed a form of repayment.  She agreed, and the plan is that she will come clean our house as payment.  Progress?  Maybe? 

I hesitate to post these things, as I feel like I'm jinxing myself.  My husband and I  had a good counselling appointment this week, and celebrated the small steps, then we went backwards. 

There are other things brewing, we know.  Sometimes they overwhelm me.  She has totally turned against her 3 roommates, saying they hate her, etc.  She doesn't see her part in conflict in the apartment.  She is not willing to try to move forward in that situation yet.  She talks about seeing if there's another room in the residence she's in so she can move, even though she doesn't have her own furniture , as she's subletting her current place, and is using the existing bed etc.

She has gone back to high school (although she finished the bridge program to transition to college). Her thoughts now are to try to improve her grades to apply to university.  Is she ready?  We feel she needs to focus on coping skills and DBT, but we know that she will need to realize this on her own.

She is still not going to therapy, no meds, no psychiatrist (although the call indicates she does have an appointment in the future).  I'm still using validation in this area to help her.  I'm also trying to use SET, although it doesn't feel natural to me yet. 

Sorry to be so long-winded!  To sum it up... .normal?  That's just a setting on the dryer!  (Gotta keep my sense of humour, it gets me through!)

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

Hi 1hope, I love your statement about normal. Sometimes I hate that word, there is no "normal" in my world. Or I suppose I should say not according to what other people see. Any more I don't even think about what others see or what they think about when they look at my world. They don't live here with me. I dare say if they did they wouldn't make it. Living with a BPD is not for the faint of heart. You are so right about the setting on the dryer, and if you look at it, there is also fluff, air dry, permanent press and MORE HEAT. Love that humor ha, ha. Thanks for reminding the settings can change.

[Mutt]

Hi 1hope,

I like your joke about the setting what is normal really? It sounds like she's struggling in areas of her life right now I don't know what other support that she has, she has her T coming maybe but she has you and your H. You're here getting support from others, learning about BPD and learning the communication tools your DD19 is looking to have you as a mom. Progress moves slowly sometimes you have to play the long game.

[wendydarling]

Oh 1hope, you are magic, I join blue9k and Mutt thank you making me smile this sunny Sunday morning. Your post has legs   Have you seen Feeling Better's therapy thread? One of her goals in therapy is to gain back her sense of humour, so expect a visit here soon 1Hope  

That 1 step forward, 2 back, 1 forward looking back was the progress sign for me and if you read Yepanotherone's latest posts you see she in that not wanting to jinx you both so well describe. I do think every nugget of progress and learning, you are on your way with SET is important to celebrate our good times, you are doing your very best and you deserve every step forward and I can see that since your last post you have, though some days it may not feel like that.

Sounds like your DD is motivated with her college, uni plans, this is a positive, as your therapist told you last year our children need to feel success, self worth. DBT is there, hopefully she'll nudge her way forwards.

WDx

[Feeling Better]

Hi 1hope

It is good to hear that progress is being made with you and your daughter, everything takes time.

I agree with Mutt, what is normal anyway? I love your joke that it’s just a setting on the dryer, it fits well. It doesn’t have to stay at a particular setting though, it can always be changed.

I particularly like the bit about the phone, I think you got a good deal in the end. I wish one of my kids would clean my house for me paying for their phone! I think that’s HUGE progress.

WD -
quote
 Have you seen Feeling Better's therapy thread? One of her goals in therapy is to gain back her sense of humour, so expect a visit here soon 1Hope 

Haha! That made me smile. Nice one WD x

[wendydarling]

Have you seen Feeling Better's therapy thread? One of her goals in therapy is to gain back her sense of humour, so expect a visit here soon 1Hope  

Haha! That made me smile. Nice one WD x

Gotcha FB, your caught  

I lost my humour in my darkest of days, who wouldn't. I never lost my optimism, that's pulled me and I share with everyone here to pull through.

WDx