He says he wasn't getting what he wanted out of our marriage

[lovewithoutlimit]

I am married to a man who left 2 months ago.  He has borderline personality disorder.  He has followed same patterns for most of his 47 years on this earth.  He leaves relationships, jobs, cities he lives in.  He has had moments of recognition that he is making poor choices and in our 7+ years together we did talk about his inner battles.  He's never followed through on intense therapy and counseling although he's had some from time to time.  He has been treated for depression, but does not follow up with doctors regarding dosages and how he's doing.  I am intelligent enough to know that when I say these things and understand what I am up against, I might have to let go.  He wants no reconciliation, does not want couples therapy and sees nothing wrong with himself.  "Something was missing" he says.  He "wasn't getting what he wanted from our marriage".  He is truly in the black and white mind set in remembering our relationship.  Nothing good now.  I cannot find support groups in my area and the pain of the loss I feel is so great that I am reaching out.  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

So sorry to hear this.

You have come to the right place, there are so many caring people in this community.

Keep sharing, this is a safe space.

Together, somehow, we make it through.

I have been here since November, my dBPD bf
started dating others.  I was /am in a bad way, we lived together for 10 years, had just separated for a healing separation.  We were going on dates together, we were having a lot of fun, even though we were separated.that all stopped, late october.

I am still hanging on, we are going to couples counseling since Nov 30, 2017.  The counselor has us meeting up to have coffee dates, neutral ground.  we are starting as friends, he is willing to see where it will go... .

only lately has he started taking any responsibility for his part... .i don't know what the future holds.

I wish I had found this board sooner, I would have been able to use the tools when we lived together... .  Am using them now, it has made a big difference... .

this board, these people have a lot of wisdom.  Hang on!

j

[pearlsw]

Hi lovewithoutlimit (and hi too to juju2! thanks for your helpful input!)

Sorry for the pain you are feeling! You say your partner left two months ago, may I ask, are you in contact at all? If not, do you expect to be? Any divorce talk or are things totally up in the air?  What happened at the time of him leaving?

We're here for you! You don't have to go through this alone!  

warmly, pearl.