New Here—I've experienced the emotional roller coaster of a lifetime

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hi. My name is ProphetEyes, and I'm new to not just this forum, but the entire world of cluster b personality disorders. I recently was discarded by my fiance of 6 years who is an undiagnosed BPD with NPD traits and tendencies. Honestly sometimes I don't know if she is a covert narcissist or severe BPD. What I do know is what I've experienced has been the emotional roller coaster of a lifetime. I was seraching within myself for answers because I knew I would never get them from her. I was full of blame and suicidal thoughts. Then I discovered answers. That it's not my fault. For the last 4-5 weeks I've been consumed with trying to learn as much as I can about these disorders so I can find peace within and the closure that I was never given. I'm hoping to make new friends and meet people that can actually relate to what I feel. I've lost almost all of my friends, as they've bought into the smear campaign. The friends who I still have can't relate and don;t know how to help. Honestly the advice they give is usually not what I need to hear. I'm still grieving the loss in a sense, though I am filled with cognitive dissonance. The discard happened about 3 months ago. ANyway, I hope to meet some awesome people here and make the new, understanding, and supportive friends that I need in my life right now.

[ProphetEyes]

Hi. My name is ProphetEyes, and I'm new to not just this forum, but the entire world of cluster b personality disorders. I recently was discarded by my fiance of 6 years who is an undiagnosed BPD with NPD traits and tendencies. Honestly sometimes I don't know if she is a covert narcissist or severe BPD. What I do know is what I've experienced has been the emotional roller coaster of a lifetime. I was seraching within myself for answers because I knew I would never get them from her. I was full of blame and suicidal thoughts. Then I discovered answers. That it's not my fault. For the last 4-5 weeks I've been consumed with trying to learn as much as I can about these disorders so I can find peace within and the closure that I was never given. I'm hoping to make new friends and meet people that can actually relate to what I feel. I've lost almost all of my friends, as they've bought into the smear campaign. The friends who I still have can't relate and don;t know how to help. Honestly the advice they give is usually not what I need to hear. I'm still grieving the loss in a sense, though I am filled with cognitive dissonance. The discard happened about 3 months ago. ANyway, I hope to meet some awesome people here and make the new, understanding, and supportive friends that I need in my life right now.

[Mutt]

Hi ProphetEyes, 



Id like to welcome you to bpdfamily, I’m glad that you decided to join us, you’ll find that you fit right in here. It’s almost parallel what to you, i lost all of the friends that we had together, she projected that I was emotionally, financially abusive.

6 years is a long history and as you already know there’s a lot of chaos in these r/s’s 8it takes time to work through it, you’re probably searching for answers trying to uncover every rock until you find one. Family and friends mean well but the advice that they give works for a non not someone with a PD I look at it this way divorce is really painful and unless you’ve gone through it you can’t really connect with that person.

Im sorry that this happened when you were engaged, can you give us a back story?

PS You’ll find the lessons on the right side of the board 

[Harley Quinn]

Hi ProphetEyes,

I'd like to join Mutt in welcoming you and say that I'd like to hear whatever you feel ready to share of your story.  I'm so sorry to hear that some of your friends were taken in by the smear campaign.  This speaks to me about how good they were as friends.  Perhaps they didn't know you as well as you hoped.  Whilst it's good that you've retained some, try to have realistic expectations of their limited capacity to support on this.  A BPD r/s is like no other, as you're clearly aware.  It's great that you found us.  I'd encourage you also to get involved in other discussions here, as the benefit of group support is tremendous and I've no doubt you'll get a lot from this wonderful community regards understanding and good advice to help you in your healing. 

Love and light x

[Outdoors Girl]

Welcome Profit!

I'm sorry for the pain you are feeling.  The sudden discard is awful and certainly leaves a gaping hole in our soul. 

I'm glad you found the discussion boards and the tools.  It seems to help to make some sense of the pattern.  The stories all sound so eerily similar and I can relate to your experience!

I hope you find some support and healing through talking to others here.  I am newly processing everything that has happened to and my motto is one day at a time right now. 

Hugs to you!

[JNChell]

 
Hey ProphetEyes! I’d like to join the others in welcoming you to the family. You are indeed in a safe space to share. I relate to much of what you’ve shared. As you spend more time here, you’ll likely find yourself surprised at how similar the stories and experiences are. I lurked here for 2 months before I made the choice to post. It’s one of the best choices I’ve ever made. You now have access to information that has been vetted by very experienced individuals concerning this condition. You can trust what you read here. We empathize and we hear you.

Prophet, like you, I’ve lost friends, went through smear campaigns, realized that most folks won’t get it and the hope of getting answers from her. I’m sincere in saying that. Reading your words is all too familiar.

What I do know is what I've experienced has been the emotional roller coaster of a lifetime. Share it here, friend.

[ProphetEyes]

Thank you so much guys/gals for the welcoming messages. I'll be typing out my story soon for sure.