Mercy will set me free

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

This word sings to me.

When I find myself wanting justice, revenge, or even just wanting to know if she's thinking of me and hurting, I remember mercy. Mercy sings to me.

You all have heard me talk about gratitude before - speaking gratitude for my mental health and the things I can do.

Now, I hear myself with the word "mercy" stuck on repeat in my mind. Maybe it's because I have cried out to God enough times asking for it over the past few months, and especially over the last few days. But when one receives mercy, one must also think about where they can give it, too.

I've given myself mercy through this process. I have the power to beat myself up by overanalyzing my mistakes and the potential to do real harm to myself through that kind of self-blame. Lately though, I've chosen mercy.

For her, I have also chosen mercy, because it sets me free. Mercy for me is "breaking the wheel" (yes, a Game of Thrones reference). Mercy is saying "I didn't ask for this power and refuse to be your persecutor." Mercy is walking away from the dysfunction that I did not create. It is a laying down of arms, per se. It is both a trust in a higher power and a trust in the agency of the person in front of you to do the right thing. (And, if she doesn't do the right thing, then she'll find my boundaries firmly in place.)

Mercy is not letting someone walk all over you or enabling them. Mercy is a kind of defiance. When she wants me to be the bad guy, the one who "sees" her and therefore will always be on the lookout for manipulation, mercy will be the love I embody for a person who has not yet learned how to love without fear. Mercy will be boundaries and a belief in her ability to do right, to get support, to break her own wheel. Mercy is saying "we are equals" and refusing the sword she hands me that is aimed at her neck. Mercy is throwing that sword into the lake and leading the way to a better life, whether she follows or not.

Mercy is compassion, not self-sacrifice.

Mercy will set me free.

[lighthouse9]

Mercy: compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm.

This word sings to me.

When I find myself wanting justice, revenge, or even just wanting to know if she's thinking of me and hurting, I remember mercy. Mercy sings to me.

You all have heard me talk about gratitude before - speaking gratitude for my mental health and the things I can do.

Now, I hear myself with the word "mercy" stuck on repeat in my mind. Maybe it's because I have cried out to God enough times asking for it over the past few months, and especially over the last few days. But when one receives mercy, one must also think about where they can give it, too.

I've given myself mercy through this process. I have the power to beat myself up by overanalyzing my mistakes and the potential to do real harm to myself through that kind of self-blame. Lately though, I've chosen mercy.

For her, I have also chosen mercy, because it sets me free. Mercy for me is "breaking the wheel" (yes, a Game of Thrones reference). Mercy is saying "I didn't ask for this power and refuse to be your persecutor." Mercy is walking away from the dysfunction that I did not create. It is a laying down of arms, per se. It is both a trust in a higher power and a trust in the agency of the person in front of you to do the right thing. (And, if she doesn't do the right thing, then she'll find my boundaries firmly in place.)

Mercy is not letting someone walk all over you or enabling them. Mercy is a kind of defiance. When she wants me to be the bad guy, the one who "sees" her and therefore will always be on the lookout for manipulation, mercy will be the love I embody for a person who has not yet learned how to love without fear. Mercy will be boundaries and a belief in her ability to do right, to get support, to break her own wheel. Mercy is saying "we are equals" and refusing the sword she hands me that is aimed at her neck. Mercy is throwing that sword into the lake and leading the way to a better life, whether she follows or not.

Mercy is compassion, not self-sacrifice.

Mercy will set me free.

[Mutt]

I like how you said to have mercy on yourself I think that many of us here forgo our needs, tend to be hard on ourselves and are emotional caregivers thinking what everyone else needs. Its good to be selfish when it comes to self care, doing self care is important and doing a lot of it is good.

Results may vary from member to member with showing mercy to someone that put you through some very difficult things like smear campaigns, landing in jail because of false accusations, losing your job, house, access to your kids. We’re all at different stages and if you don’t feel like mercy is something that you can show at this time that’s fine. I’d recommend self protection and stopping the bleeding before that.

I’d like to see my exuBPDw get some help for the sake of the kids the other day my S6 was talking about her and I wonder how he’s going to think when he’s older how is it going to affect him? I choose tough love, I let go and let god if shes enabled this will go on ad infinitum she hasn’t hit her rock bottom because there’s always someone there to rescue her so if I remove myself from her network of enablers I’m one less person there might be a chance that her rock bottom comes sooner rather than later.

[Lucky Jim]

I've given myself mercy through this process. I have the power to beat myself up by overanalyzing my mistakes and the potential to do real harm to myself through that kind of self-blame. Lately though, I've chosen mercy.

Like what you're saying, lighthouse.  You could say that mercy is an expression of loving and accepting yourself.  Hey, we're all human!  We fall down, but we get back up again.

After all the blame and shame heaped on me by my BPDxW, I had to relearn the concept of mercy towards myself.  Maybe others have also experienced the blame/shame download?

I let go and let god if shes enabled this will go on ad infinitum she hasn’t hit her rock bottom because there’s always someone there to rescue her so if I remove myself from her network of enablers I’m one less person there might be a chance that her rock bottom comes sooner rather than later.

Like what you're saying, too, Mutt.  Removing oneself from the network of enablers is a concept that took me a long time to grasp.  I used to think that rescuing was noble, but now I view it as potentially damaging to the extent that one neglects one's own needs.  It also fosters a dynamic that protects the pwBPD from the consequences of his/her own actions, which I view as unhealthy for both the giver and the receiver.

LJ