Sister is angry and attracts me

[Annapie]

I never knew my sister had BPD until her daughter layed  it out for me !
She lives w her and has to deal w her every dAy !
Mostly In Feb , the month her husband died is when she is the worst  . My therapist friends have told me I am her target because I am the proverbial golden girl who she tried To keep up with . Of course this is her perception . Let’s sY the world according to her .
She is now coming off of a very aggressive anger situation w me . She sent me multiple vehement emails that were painful . My niece her daughter said you guys should talk . My miecr had been saying for years how I put her down .
My therapist friends say yes that is her perception . My mistake was answering her emails which only made her worse ! Attracting me until I had to block her emails and texts to protect myself . As I said before she’s now acting forgiving and pleasant and I can’t handle this either ! Please help

[Turkish]

Sister and niece are dealing with a lot,  and her H dying likely triggers her more than it would if she didn't have BPD traits.  What are the nature of her attacks?

This technique can help with emails and texts. I've also used it verbally from time to time.  

2.03 | B.I.F.F. Technique for Communications

I like to think of it as minimizing targets.

Tell us if you think it may help. 

[Kwamina]

Hi Annapie

I am sorry you are going through this. It can be very hard dealing with BPD family-members. Sadly people with BPD indeed often suffer from distorted thinking and perception, triggering very strong emotional responses in them which can result in not so pleasant behaviors.

Looking back with the knowledge you have now, would you say your sister already exhibited signs of BPD when you were kids?

She is now coming off of a very aggressive anger situation w me . She sent me multiple vehement emails that were painful .

Did anything happen which might have triggered her latest rage episode?

Your sister is now acting forgiving and pleasant. What does your sister behaving pleasant look like?

Do you feel like she has ever in any way acknowledged that there might be something wrong with the way she behaves, specifically the way she treats you?

Take care

The Board Parrot

[Annapie]

Hello I couldn’t find the place to answer your questions .
Yes as a young teenager she exhibited behavior that my father took her to a psychiatrist. Not sure if she was put on meds or not . My nursing school friends ate dinner at our house and asked me about her . “ why is your sister so angry ?”
I also know she took drugs but I don’t know which ones . She told me this as an adult .
Her recent anger started w her attacking me on texts accusing me of saying “ deplorable “ things about her grandson my nephew .
I finally got it out of my niece and she said ( in response to his getting caught smoking pot )” I know his kind “ and of course I never said that .
He smiled w a friend whose mom took him to therapy and I remember saying many kids “ self medicate “ . If that’s what she misconstrued ?
The texts went onto to emails that were accusing me of lying , sinning stories , etc . It got so bad I had to block her . It was the daughter who lives w her told me she looked up her symptoms and came up w BPD . I read the symptoms; she does fit .
My other niece came home from her mission , so while at the airport she hugged me ! This is how it goes : mean then euphoric !
Now she sent me a text about how I took her to the ball park as a child .
I learned a lot this time : I will never converse w her without a witness !
Or at least a professional mediator
She told me “ I’m just depressed “ . From a former conversation.
Any other thoughts ?

[Kwamina]

Hi again Annapie

Thanks for answering my questions!

Turkish has already mentioned the BIFF technique to you, which can be very helpful when dealing with hostile communications. We also have some other resources I think you might find helpful.

For dealing with false accusations and to prevent circular arguments, it can be helpful to keep in mind not to  J.A.D.E.' as in not Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain:

To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain.
... .
Instead, it is recommended that on any given issue, state your point of view once and once only. Provide any clarifications that are asked for. Anything more than this is likely to be counter productive.

This is not to suggest that you should say nothing at all or back down in an argument. It is critical to take whatever action is necessary so that you, and any children under your care, can live in a safe, happy, healthy and productive environment. It's just not that necessary to talk very much about it.

You are dealing with your sister, but several other family-members are also involved. I think it might also be helpful to look into the so-called Karpman Drama Triangle, you can read more about it here:

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle