Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
March 18, 2025, 01:52:50 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Sister is angry and attracts me  (Read 508 times)
Annapie
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 2


« on: March 30, 2018, 11:56:59 PM »

I never knew my sister had BPD until her daughter layed  it out for me !
She lives w her and has to deal w her every dAy !
Mostly In Feb , the month her husband died is when she is the worst  . My therapist friends have told me I am her target because I am the proverbial golden girl who she tried To keep up with . Of course this is her perception . Let’s sY the world according to her .
She is now coming off of a very aggressive anger situation w me . She sent me multiple vehement emails that were painful . My niece her daughter said you guys should talk . My miecr had been saying for years how I put her down .
My therapist friends say yes that is her perception . My mistake was answering her emails which only made her worse ! Attracting me until I had to block her emails and texts to protect myself . As I said before she’s now acting forgiving and pleasant and I can’t handle this either ! Please help
Logged
Turkish
BOARD ADMINISTRATOR
**
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Relationship status: "Divorced"/abandoned by SO in Feb 2014; Mother with BPD, PTSD, Depression and Anxiety: RIP in 2021.
Posts: 12182


Dad to my wolf pack


« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2018, 01:20:40 AM »

Sister and niece are dealing with a lot,  and her H dying likely triggers her more than it would if she didn't have BPD traits.  What are the nature of her attacks?

This technique can help with emails and texts. I've also used it verbally from time to time.  

2.03 | B.I.F.F. Technique for Communications

I like to think of it as minimizing targets.

Tell us if you think it may help. 
Logged

    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
Kwamina
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 3544



« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2018, 09:51:16 AM »

Hi Annapie

I am sorry you are going through this. It can be very hard dealing with BPD family-members. Sadly people with BPD indeed often suffer from distorted thinking and perception, triggering very strong emotional responses in them which can result in not so pleasant behaviors.

Looking back with the knowledge you have now, would you say your sister already exhibited signs of BPD when you were kids?

She is now coming off of a very aggressive anger situation w me . She sent me multiple vehement emails that were painful .

Did anything happen which might have triggered her latest rage episode?

Your sister is now acting forgiving and pleasant. What does your sister behaving pleasant look like?

Do you feel like she has ever in any way acknowledged that there might be something wrong with the way she behaves, specifically the way she treats you?

Take care

The Board Parrot
Logged

Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
Annapie
Fewer than 3 Posts
*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Sibling
Posts: 2


« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2018, 11:08:56 AM »

Hello I couldn’t find the place to answer your questions .
Yes as a young teenager she exhibited behavior that my father took her to a psychiatrist. Not sure if she was put on meds or not . My nursing school friends ate dinner at our house and asked me about her . “ why is your sister so angry ?”
I also know she took drugs but I don’t know which ones . She told me this as an adult .
Her recent anger started w her attacking me on texts accusing me of saying “ deplorable “ things about her grandson my nephew .
I finally got it out of my niece and she said ( in response to his getting caught smoking pot )” I know his kind “ and of course I never said that .
He smiled w a friend whose mom took him to therapy and I remember saying many kids “ self medicate “ . If that’s what she misconstrued ?
The texts went onto to emails that were accusing me of lying , sinning stories , etc . It got so bad I had to block her . It was the daughter who lives w her told me she looked up her symptoms and came up w BPD . I read the symptoms; she does fit .
My other niece came home from her mission , so while at the airport she hugged me ! This is how it goes : mean then euphoric !
Now she sent me a text about how I took her to the ball park as a child .
I learned a lot this time : I will never converse w her without a witness !
Or at least a professional mediator
She told me “ I’m just depressed “ . From a former conversation.
Any other thoughts ?
Logged
Kwamina
Retired Staff
*
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 3544



« Reply #4 on: April 01, 2018, 07:33:34 AM »

Hi again Annapie

Thanks for answering my questions!

Turkish has already mentioned the BIFF technique to you, which can be very helpful when dealing with hostile communications. We also have some other resources I think you might find helpful.

For dealing with false accusations and to prevent circular arguments, it can be helpful to keep in mind not to  J.A.D.E.' as in not Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain:
Excerpt
To avoid circular conversations, don't JADE - Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain.
... .
Instead, it is recommended that on any given issue, state your point of view once and once only. Provide any clarifications that are asked for. Anything more than this is likely to be counter productive.

This is not to suggest that you should say nothing at all or back down in an argument. It is critical to take whatever action is necessary so that you, and any children under your care, can live in a safe, happy, healthy and productive environment. It's just not that necessary to talk very much about it.

You are dealing with your sister, but several other family-members are also involved. I think it might also be helpful to look into the so-called Karpman Drama Triangle, you can read more about it here:

Escaping Conflict and the Karpman Drama Triangle
Logged

Oh, give me liberty! For even were paradise my prison, still I should long to leap the crystal walls.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!