Are communication and intimacy issues common in BPD relationships?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I have been in several serious relationships in the past and I have never had issues with intimacy or simple communication. However my marriage with my wife is a different story. It almost feels like intimacy is forced and communication is terribly hard to come by. It seems we never have a normal "husband and wife" talk like simply saying "how was your day". It feels like 90% of conversations are about stressful topics such as finances etc. That communication breaks down because I get overwhelmed with how many things she throws at me all at once and it goes down hill from there.

Is this common? If so, how do you guys deal with it?

Last night I tried explaining that I don't ask for much, I would just like a simple talk here and there, a talk that I think most couples have. I said like a simple "how was your day" "how was your doctors appointment" would go a long ways with me and she responded and said " I don't know how to do that, we need help". She then went on to give me a 6 month timeline saying if things didn't change the relationship would be over. She has told me that she has had similar issues with other relationships, but she can carry on conversation with friends or strangers without an issue.

I'm at a loss. Any help would be appreciated!

[It'sMe]

I have been in several serious relationships in the past and I have never had issues with intimacy or simple communication. However my marriage with my wife is a different story. It almost feels like intimacy is forced and communication is terribly hard to come by. It seems we never have a normal "husband and wife" talk like simply saying "how was your day". It feels like 90% of conversations are about stressful topics such as finances etc. That communication breaks down because I get overwhelmed with how many things she throws at me all at once and it goes down hill from there.

Is this common? If so, how do you guys deal with it?

Last night I tried explaining that I don't ask for much, I would just like a simple talk here and there, a talk that I think most couples have. I said like a simple "how was your day" "how was your doctors appointment" would go a long ways with me and she responded and said " I don't know how to do that, we need help". She then went on to give me a 6 month timeline saying if things didn't change the relationship would be over. She has told me that she has had similar issues with other relationships, but she can carry on conversation with friends or strangers without an issue.

I'm at a loss. Any help would be appreciated!

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[juju2]

Hi,

I think communication can be difficult.

I am learning here more and more tools.

Guess an important tool is timing.  And noticing what kind of mood he is in.

Also me not being sensitive.  I have to take excellent self care, maybe talk to a closed mouth friend, I realize I can't get everything from my pwBPD... .He has a serious mental illness, BPD.

Now that i know more about it, just learning really, I can see when the disorder is active or triggered.

All of this requires me to be at the top of my game.

For instance, my s.o., he never liked to talk in the morning, until he could drink his coffee, maybe 1-2 hours later, he would be o.k. to talk to.  He wakes up in a bad mood, basically.

They can be special people, sensitive, wonderful.

Someone here said us nons have to develop skills, be aware, and it is similar to learning to play the violin.  I have to grow and progress.

Also, I have to continue to cultivate my talents, life, interests, well being, I need to be well rounded.

It's all possible. 

Read here, post here.  you are with a caring, experienced, wise community that cares.

Sincerely

juju

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Its'sMe,

I"m sorry to hear that you are having a hard time communicating with your pwBPD. If I'm understanding, it sounds like your W begins to just go at you about one thing after another in conversation and it's hard for you to keep up?

Is it particular topics or does she not like small talk?

[isilme]

Hello,

So how was communication before you got married?  Has it changed?  Is it that she does not seem to express an interest in your day?  Do you ask her similar questions and how does she respond?