I was so hurt - again - that I blocked him on all social media because his activity had given me false hope that somehow we could be civil to eachother.
I understand this so so much. I held on to the idea that she and I could be civil to each other for an amazing amount of time and even now, some days, I think, "Maybe she'll get there."
She will never get there.
So I keep going back and forth as to whether I should make my instagram profile private or keep it public so that he can still creep me... .and I just don'T know. I know he is triggered when he loses track of me so I figure I may as well just let him check my instagram feed? What's the big deal after all?
I deactivated my Instagram account for awhile, came back to it, made it private, then made it public, then made it private, then made it public again. She shows up SOMEWHERE (online) the second she can't keep track of me in some way so I'd rather she just creep on me without me knowing but not overtly invade my stuff when I block her entirely.
... .communicating subliminally. I think the trick is for me to never check what he is up to which I have become really good at doing. Still I don't know how to handle this. And I too feel ridiculous but social media has such a creep factor to it. It's so unhealthy.
The subliminal communication thing is also a problem. I have to absolutely never check her stuff because everything has the potential to feel like an intentional shot at me (i.e. wearing a shirt I gave her in a profile pic or tweeting a quote we said to each other all the time, etc. etc.). And I am working an obnoxious amount at writing whatever I want to without taking her into consideration, but it feels virtually impossible because I know she will see it. (True story: I had her blocked on everything immediately following our break-up and a couple weeks later changed my Facebook profile pic. Within THREE HOURS, she sent an email lambasting me for it since I was with someone else and attached a screenshot someone had texted her of my profile pic. I felt like she had an army monitoring me.)
Anyway, please talk to me about this as much as you'd like. It drives me crazy sometimes. Just know I understand. And maybe we can remind each other to have a little self-compassion instead of feeling ridiculous.