letting go, so afraid for her, have any of you had to make this call?

[dancinginthedark]

I am going this conversation with a broken heart. yesterday after battling for 5 years of therapy, DBT group on and off meds we finally told my 19 year old daughter that she had to leave home. We took her car as well after finding drugs in it again. We tried a contract but she wouldn't follow it. She is living with my parents for 2 months and then in August moving in with her dad who has been mia most of her life and on and off drugs. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel.like I am abandoning her. She says it's all my fault. it is so hard to let go of the dreams of relationship with her and sharing her life. She says she is dont with us and I am too tired to chase her. Her sister and my husband cannot take anymore. I am.so afraid for her. Have any of you had to make this call... .please help

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Faith Spring]

Hi, just letting you know you’re not alone, and I’m so sorry your heart is breaking like this.   I haven’t had to tell my d to leave home but she’s still young.  I’m here scrambling to learn as much as I can before she’s 18. 

I do understand the heart break about not having that relationship you always wanted to share with your d.   

[Turkish]

How are you afraid of her,  is she making threats?

[Feeling Better]

Hi dancinginthedark,

I’m so sorry to hear of what you are going through right now and my heart goes out to you.

It is devastating to not have a relationship with an adult child after we have raised them and loved and cherished them.

You are a strong person, you saw what you needed to do and even though it was such a hard thing to do, you recognised that you had no choice other than to do it. That takes so much strength.

I don’t have contact with my uBPD son, no relationship with him, nothing, so I do understand how you are feeling. The only difference is that my son walked away from me and from our relationship, but the pain is still the same.

You say that she is living with your parents for two months before moving in with her dad, do you think that during the time she is with your parents you will have contact with her? Maybe the break will allow you both space so that you can reflect, recharge and perhaps work out a new way forward. What do you think? 

[mom2ela]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Yes, we have been in a similar situation. However, we have instead said that our son refused to follow our rules and could no longer stay at our home. He has repeatedly said that we kicked him out. We keep coming back to the fact that we have boundaries and he refused to follow them. We could no longer live like that.