Is my Mom Faking Paralysis?

[dealing_with_BPD]

     
My mom has BPD. She has had it my whole life, and it has been a struggle (for her as well) dealing with the symptoms of it. Throughout my life, she has lied about many illnesses to me and strangers. She has told people she was dying of breast cancer, she has said she had COPD, Seizures, various illnesses, celiac disease, lactose intolerance, cancer, and now it's interstitial cystitis.

Every time she has one of these "illnesses" she is "sick" for around three years, and then one day it just stops. I am not sure if her IC is real or not. I like to think it is real, but it's hard to tell. The other night she had an episode. She woke my dad up from sleep and then collapsed on the ground. She said she couldn't move and stayed in the bathroom for about 12 hours. By the morning she started moving again and was walking around. She told my dad that she was okay, and to head to work and was drinking coffee. In the meantime, she called the nurse at her doctor's and when they called back they asked how many episodes of "paralysis" she had. Immediately, she called my dad to come home from work and said she wanted to go to the hospital. She walked into the hospital and then hasn't walked again. As soon as the nurse said paralysis she grabbed ahold of it and ran! The hospital/doctor said all her scans were fine, and that he would discharge her, and she said she is paralyzed, and couldn't move. The doctor obviously couldn't send her home despite her clear tests so he transferred her to another bigger hospital and admitted her. Every single test they do is coming back fine. The only thing they think it could be is something completely new and never has been researched, and only one doctor even thinks it is a possibility. They're basically searching for anything that could be causing this. It is so bad they're now going to put her in a skilled nursing facility because she obviously isn't sick, but says 100% she cannot walk. Which is sending her through the roof, because previously they said she could stay at the hospital in acute care and now they're saying she has to go to a facility. She is FREAKING OUT now, and that is a red flag to me because why would she care? I have worked in a skilled nursing facility it is almost the exact same as a hospital but better in my opinion. When I tell her that she says she knows everyone with paralysis (even though that's not true) and the nursing home wouldn't work for a paralyzed person. There were a lot of signs she was being dishonest during her stay at the hospital or exaggerating, and I am so stressed and guilt-ridden because I don't think anything is wrong. They have done blood work, MRI's on her entire body, CT scans, and anything you can think of. I feel stuck because I don't want to do this again. We have done it so many times, and then I think "what if it is real"? But then if it was would she be doing live FB posts in the hospital bed? Probably not. I haven't gone to see her because I live a couple hours away with 2 toddlers, and I feel like she is lying but then what if she dies and I feel guilty for never having seen her? It feels like her mental illness is trapping ME.  Do I tell the doctor? Do I shout out to a therapist behind her back? Am I the worst person in the world for not believing? I am stuck, and it is really getting to me. Do you think she could be faking again? How do you prove someone is faking paralysis? You can't FORCE them to walk? Any advice? I just don't know what to do.

[Turkish]

You can swing a visit once she's in the nursing home, yes? Closer supervision by permanent smaller staff and they might pick up on things.  If she's faking it, maybe she'll be cured.

Due to privacy rules they can't discuss much with you but that doesn't mean that you can't share your mom's history.  The worst they can do is listen and ignore. 

[Mutt]

Hi dealing_with_BPD,

I can understand how frustrating and guilt inducing your situation would be. I'm sorry that you're mom is putting you through this. I think that you're doing the right thing by reaching out for feedback, I'd advise to keep doing it if you get second thoughts. I would follow what the professionals say there's only that thinks that there is a possibility.

Every single test they do is coming back fine. The only thing they think it could be is something completely new and never has been researched, and only one doctor even thinks it is a possibility.

[FoxC]

Hello dear friend  ,

Your situation sounds a bit familiar for me. I work in a hospital and I've seen cases like that... .But it's a real challenge when it comes up to your own family, so I can understand you, as my mother sometimes acts in this manner as well. I will give you my opinion on this, given what I've read, but it's not necessarily 'the one'.

I think, between faking an illness and having it, there's another possibility - feeling it. There's a large scale of psychosomatic illnesses, where medical exams do not bring anything, but the patient really do have the symptoms... .In this case, most of the doctors would say (politely, of course) that it's all in the patient's head. Others though would search an organic cause, may even propose some diagnosis, however, not necessarily the right one.  Now, in fact, even if it's all in the patient's head, it doesn't mean he's faking. Check up the conversion disorder, for instance.

Now, for some patients feeling sick feels good... .This attracts attention, care, closeness... And of course the BPD's are in need for this. And some may listen to their body a bit too much. Some exaggerate their little symptoms, some, when these symptoms fade out, start to actually fake them, just to prolonge the state further.

The interesting thing is, that there's a fine line between faking-feeling-having. Have you ever as a child tried to fake a common cold or a thing like that, just to skip the school ? In my experience, sometimes you want to fake it so good, that you start actually to feel it, and sometimes you end up by having it ! That's how (ironically) amazing our minds are. I knew a man, who after experiencing a very traumatic event couldn't move a finger... for the rest of his life. At first it was fully a psychological thing, a shock... .a conversion disorder as I mentioned... with no organic cause. Years later a muscle atrophy, than a true nerve damage appeared. If someone starts to feel paralyzed (true little sensations exaggerated, or just faking it, or any other bizarre sensation that the patient can not describe well (BPD's are good at this, you know), and for instance they cannot walk anymore... .exams are fine, you can't just expect them to snap out of it, and if it's not a medical care in need, then maybe it's the psychological one. We can not be sure when it comes to the outcomes. We know that BPD disorder is probably caused by stressful traumatic events in childhood, the same events can trigger other psychosomatic illnesses (or hypersensitive attitude to various symptoms, hypochondria) as well.

And then, of course, the rare exotic diseases are not to exclude, but the chances are much more lower, especially given the context.

I know, it's hard when it comes to us and our loved ones. We'd like to help our mothers, then again, we're tired of being manipulated and we start to know the song, and our sense of love has been abused. I myself am much more at ease to help such patients than being able to help my own mother, and maybe we're actually not the one's who can truly help them. In cases like that (nb I'm not a psy!), I show that I try to understand, I try not to deny their feelings/symptoms and I try to stay as much positive about their persona as possible, all this by trying to keep my emotional boundaries (the hardest part).


Good luck, keep posting my friend !

[Penny123]

Hello Dealing with BPD, My BPDMom is 73 year old and will tell me things about her physical and mental health. Some I believe and some I don't. I tend to believe the mental part. She goes to countless doctors but I think mostly to get Klonopin (anti-anxiety), other pych meds, and Narco (opioid). Doctors are like Gods to her. Also, my Mom will lie about everything and I've had the conversation many a time about "the boy who cried wolf" to see if it would resonate and it doesn't. My Mom has mentioned suicide throughout my life, it's becoming more so this year esp when she is not getting what she wants from me and is angry.  I used to react by notifying her therapist via email and trying to be there almost like a second therapist (which I'm not). Now, it's seems like suicidal threats are every other week. I don't think she will do it but you never know. I can't live on edge all the time so I stopped notifying her therapist and stopped trying to be her second therapist. I just tell her to call the suicide hotline, get in touch with her therapist, tell her I love, and say I hope things get better.  I realize one day it may happen and I worked through that guilt scenario in my head. On your Mom ---If they put her in a skilled nursing unit,  I hope she will let that happen and you that you will be okay with that. Sooner or later, you and others will find out the truth if she is truly paralyzed by letting others (hospital, skilled nursing unit) help or try to help your Mom. I hope you find peace and a comfort level in not knowing. I know it's so hard to do that.  We get so caught up in their lives so it's hard to detach and at some point we have to even if it's temporary. You are a good, bright, deserving person no matter what happens.