Thanks pearlsw
I am generally forced onto the floor when she is upset with me at night - it's no big deal in fact apart from the sore back I prefer it as she tends to cling to me at night and make me sweat.
talk over sex issues with her - I generally try to avoid this. I am at the point where I never feel like having sex with her. I am so drained and there is so much conflict.
Morning MrRight,
I used to do exactly what SWMBO (u/BPDw) would tell me to do as far as where I would sleep when we were quarreling…
But I finally put a stop to that, nowadays; I sleep where I want to, and expect her to act the same towards me.
I have “designated” what is a “shared space”… and what is “private space” for either of us who needs to “be alone” for the evening/night, ie; not in the master bedroom, ie’ the marriage bed , that space is a shared space, we both sleep there, together for the most part, with the two dogs, and all our “personal gear”, neither has the “right” to dictate that the other MUST do the “seabag drag”, and the walk of shame to the couch, or else the spare bedroom at the behest of the slighted/angry and or disagreeable other party.
Nope!
So when she says something like, “you need to tell me where YOU are going to be sleeping tonight”… I respond with, “if you don’t want to sleep with me tonight, then you need to get your pillow & blanket and go somewhere else, that’s entirely up to you, let your conscience be your guide, do what you want to, leave me alone”… this means if you cannot stand the sight, smell, or else thought of me being so close to you ALL night, then you may opt for the spare bedroom, or the leather couch in the office.
You WILL NOT inconvenience/shame me because you are having a pouting/pity party for yourself, be a big girl now, and take your arse somewhere else, because I ain’t moving out of the Captain’s Cabin because you are ”mad” at me… NOPE !
So I don’t play the couch game anymore, and likewise for me… if I can’t fathom the idea of being between the sheets in the same bunk with u/BPDw, I will just stay up late, and then she closes the door to the bedroom, and I sleep on the most comfortable leather couch in Red5’s office man cave… and I go to sleep listening to “Coast to Coast AM” .
Sex!
Ok, I (me & u/BPDw) are currently on a “drought” , we have had sex maybe three times, .yeah;... .in over two years now…
She got sick about two years ago, and now that compounded with her u/BPD has wreaked havoc, even more than before in regards to intimacy of the sexual nature, it’s just not happening.
I gave up long ago “initiating”… those circuits are now dead in me.
Although, of late, u/BPDw has requested sex, to the point of protest, but when the time comes, she goes “off line”… so she is just crying wolf (?).
She says things like, “you have not touched me in months”… well, neither has she to me (touched).
I am still a vibrant man, she knows what I like, not to sound like a Marine on liberty in a faraway port of call, but she knows how to ignite the launch sequence… I mean come on, if we are to the point of requesting sex, and even angrily sometimes, then the lovey dovey foreplay dinner and wine stuff is in the wake now… if she wants it (sex), she knows how to get me to service her !
Wow, did I just say that?
The truth is, it’s been a "long roe to hoe" for quite a spell, she has been extremely nasty to me over the last couple of years, and I have not forgotten it, she is up one day, then down the next… when someone takes about all their going to take, then sex appeal is going to fall off, sure she is a hot babe for over fifty, but… I am afraid I don’t like what’s on the inside anymore, that sounds pretty bad I know.
But like you, in the midst, when I let these thoughts get into my head, quite frankly, I don’t want her to even touch me, not like that, and as I have all but given up, and this behavior of mine has now cemented into normalcy for me… as I said many posts ago, “so much is gone now, and it’s not coming back”, I mean just that, I can’t be intimate with her as I start replaying all the mean (stupid) things she has said to me, done to me... .so that pretty much kills it… sorry.
How we “used to be”, was most likely mirroring in the ideation phase of the relationship so long ago now, that’s ten years ago, seven married.
Too much has happened, and it feels as though the last remnants of feelings are finally beginning to leave me now.
I am just her caretaker, not her lover anymore (mirroring?).
Again, sad…
Hang in there MrRight,
Red5
