Introduction: sister recently lost her battle with BPD

[Brother]

Hello Out There - My dear sister (after many failed attempts) had "success" a week and a half ago.  She leaves behind our mother, her husband and three little kids (and me).  Where I live, the mental health support system is sadly lacking.  She tried so many doctors and treatments but could not escape.  I feel sick to my stomach because I wonder if I could have done more to help.  I haven't had a good cry because I know she was suffering and can somewhat appreciate that she's finally free of it, but I miss her very much.  I feel like I want to do something in honor of her memory, you know?... .like maybe something to help raise awareness?... .or push for more research?  I would also just like to connect with others who know what it's like.  Thanks!

[Harri]

Hello Brother and welcome.  I am so sorry to hear about your sister and to know that you are hurting.  Any loss is hard, but suicide is particularly devastating (sorry for stating the obvious).

Honoring her memory can come in many forms.  Would you like to share more about your sister, maybe your relationship with her and the things that were special about her?  We can listen and support you as you grieve.

Raising awareness is a great idea.  While we have and have had members whose loved one committed suicide, it is often to easy to get caught up in how some of the other BPD behaviors affect us though I will say  we have very compassionate posters here. 

I am glad you chose to post though I am so sorry for the circumstances. 

Peace to you and yours

[Feeling Better]

Hello Brother,

I was just about to log off and then I decided to read your post and I am so glad that I did because I knew that I couldn’t log off without giving a reply.

What courage you have shown by writing and reaching out at this really sad time, I can feel your pain.

I don’t think that you would have been able to do more to help your sister and I hope with all my heart that you don’t beat yourself up and can learn to accept that.

As Harri says, we are all here to listen and support you as you grieve 

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Brother,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Even though she had such a terrible struggle, no one would wish for this tragedy to happen. And for her family and little ones to be left hurting too, oh how sad.
Thank you for allowing us to share the hurt and to walk along with you. The depth of the pain that comes along with this disorder is incredible, and it's not something to walk through alone. We understand what It's like to have a pwBPD in our lives.

Yes, please tell us more about the things you especially miss. There is healing in the sharing.

 
Wools

[Kwamina]

Hi Brother

I too am very sorry for your loss. She was suffering, but she was still your sister and it's very sad you lost her in such a tragic manner.

How are your mother, her husband and children coping with this loss?

Wondering if you could have done more is something expressed by other members as well who've sadly also had the experience of losing a family-member this way. We have a resource here that might help you as you mourn and try to process the loss of your sister:

Recovering from suicide loss

Here's an excerpt:

Losing someone that you loved or cared for to suicide is the absolute worse loss that anyone can endure.  No is prepared for it and only those who have experienced it can know what it involves and how it feels.
 
This handbook provides some basic information for those who are bereaved by a suicide.  It is based on the self-help philosophy of Survivors of Suicide (SOS).  It covers topics frequently discussed at SOS support group meetings and concepts from the suicide loss literature.
... .
This booklet is not a substitute for the mutual self-help offered through SOS or other support groups.  It is a supplement to such support.  It may be a resource for those in settings or communities without such services.
... .
Recovery is not “healing” or “getting over it” or “closure.”  Those terms do not apply to what you have experienced.  Suicide loss does not go away and it can not be left behind.

You have not only lost someone dear to you; you have lost a part of yourself.  You have lost your normality.  You can’t get back your loved one or your friend... .
... .
You can’t get back to who you were before your loss.  A suicide, to some degree, changes those that it affects.  However, you can get to a different normal, a “new normal.”  You will always feel your loss, but you can move beyond its abnormal consequences.

Take care as you mourn your sister