My mom has

[LAK12345]

Hi!

In April of 2016 my mom commited suicide, she was a BPD... We discover that in 2013 and  help me and my father understand a lot o things.
I was 21 years old by the time she decide to do that with herself. Since that, i was in therapy and trying to recover my innocence. Two months ago my psychologist discharged me, everything was doing great but, since a week ago I am having some serious problems... I feel lonely and lost, miss my mom and worried about my dad (with no main reason). I has dreams sometimes with her and she is sad, and sometimes screming at me.I think it's a trauma I have of all the times she fought me when I was little.
It's not easy to live with the fact that my mom was a borderline (with such a sad history behind and the reason for having this), she decided to leave me behind because no one here, not even me and all my love, was enough to move on with her life.
Hope to feel better. Today i am going back to therapy and try to discover why even 2 years later of her death, i still have abandonment problems.

[Learning2Thrive]

Welcome LAK12345. 

I am so sorry your mother made the choice to end her struggles by committing suicide. I lovingly witness your pain and desire to heal. It’s good you are returning to therapy. You are worthy of doing this work for yourself so you can heal. In the meantime, please be kind and gentle with yourself. 

[Harri]

Hi LAK12345 and welcome.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom.  That must be so hard to deal with on an emotional level.  I am glad to hear that you decided to go back to therapy.  How did your session go today?  Is this the same therapist you saw before?

We can support you and listen as you work through your issues.  We all are dealing with a pwBPD or have had one in the past and are at different stages of healing.  I hope you continue to post as so many can relate and share.  It is very helpful to post your thoughts and write about your emotions.  It is also very helpful to post in other peoples threads as well, to know you are not alone and to share and help others.  We are a community who care about and support each other. 

so glad to have you here and I hope to hear more from you soon.

[Turkish]

LAK12345,

I'm so sorry that your mother chose to take her life in order to end her emotional pain.  This is one of the tragedies of BPD,  that suicides are over-represented by those who suffer from the disorder. 

she decided to leave me behind because no one here, not even me and all my love, was enough to move on with her life. 

BPD is a horrible illness and it's impossible to really understand the depth of pain those who have it may suffer from.  Some are reached and helped,  but the choice of self determination is out of our control,  sadly.

You've been dealing with a professional and that's good,  even though you still feel intense feelings,  maybe guilt?

This might help give you more perspective to consider:

Recovering From Suicide Loss

Though the feelings of abandonment must feel brutal,  we are here for you 

Turkish