His friends are contacting me

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

  I am new here.  First let me start by saying that when I met the BPD, I was fresh out of a breakup from a long term relationship and probably needed time to heal from that relationship but I did what I knew I shouldn't and found a guy while out one night and it was instant chemistry.  My long term relationship ended in part because our intimacy a struggle so to have "found" this new person ... .I'll call him BPD, I was floored.  He smiled and I felt instantly hooked.  We went on what felt like a long holiday where we spent every night together and I ended up getting pregnant by the second month of knowing him.  The trauma of that was horrible for me but he was there for me and supportive and treated me with such care.  After that experience, I tried to pull back... .thinking "wow, I just broke up with someone I loved for years and rebounded with this new BPD and accidentally got pregnant with a strangers baby. I need help".  So I suggested we slow down and he became instantly different towards me.  He said that if I wanted to spend less days and nights with him that it must be "because you are with someone else".  This was only the beginning of the crazy stories.  He would TELL me that I was an escort because someone he knew saw a woman online that looked like me. He would tell me that I was a COKE addict because he saw baking soda on the sink from me cleaning!  He accused me of being a stripper, he forbid me from having any male friends because they "all want to have sex with you"  and he even accused me of smelling like latex which he told me two weeks ago, was because I was "for sure cheating" on him.  I feel FRIED... .I am hurting because the other night, he came over unannounced and I refused to allow him into my apartment and he would not leave until I called for help.  He has since blocked me on all methods of communication and had one of his friends contact me saying HE was going to file a restraining order ! 

[unitchr]

  I am new here.  First let me start by saying that when I met the BPD, I was fresh out of a breakup from a long term relationship and probably needed time to heal from that relationship but I did what I knew I shouldn't and found a guy while out one night and it was instant chemistry.  My long term relationship ended in part because our intimacy a struggle so to have "found" this new person ... .I'll call him BPD, I was floored.  He smiled and I felt instantly hooked.  We went on what felt like a long holiday where we spent every night together and I ended up getting pregnant by the second month of knowing him.  The trauma of that was horrible for me but he was there for me and supportive and treated me with such care.  After that experience, I tried to pull back... .thinking "wow, I just broke up with someone I loved for years and rebounded with this new BPD and accidentally got pregnant with a strangers baby. I need help".  So I suggested we slow down and he became instantly different towards me.  He said that if I wanted to spend less days and nights with him that it must be "because you are with someone else".  This was only the beginning of the crazy stories.  He would TELL me that I was an escort because someone he knew saw a woman online that looked like me. He would tell me that I was a COKE addict because he saw baking soda on the sink from me cleaning!  He accused me of being a stripper, he forbid me from having any male friends because they "all want to have sex with you"  and he even accused me of smelling like latex which he told me two weeks ago, was because I was "for sure cheating" on him.  I feel FRIED... .I am hurting because the other night, he came over unannounced and I refused to allow him into my apartment and he would not leave until I called for help.  He has since blocked me on all methods of communication and had one of his friends contact me saying HE was going to file a restraining order ! 

[Mutt]

Hi unitchr,  



Yikes he wants to file a RO on you after he tried to get I to your place? I can u deratand how frustrating, confusing and distressing it feels when you accused of things that you haven’t done by a pwBPD. You yearn for that person that you first fell for to reappear it can feel like you’re in a nightmare.

How long have you been broken up? How long were you together? Do you treat that he’s going to try to get into your place again?

Did you reply to his friend?

[unitchr]

 

Hi unitchr,  



Yikes he wants to file a RO on you after he tried to get I to your place? I can u deratand how frustrating, confusing and distressing it feels when you accused of things that you haven’t done by a pwBPD. You yearn for that person that you first fell for to reappear it can feel like you’re in a nightmare.

How long have you been broken up? How long were you together? Do you treat that he’s going to try to get into your place again?


Did you reply to his friend?

We have been together six months on and off.  I got pregnant after the second month and we endured a pretty traumatic miscarriage.  I will never forget when I told him I was pregnant he made some comment about "I think this will be good, it will give me something to stay motivated about".  I thought at the time that was a sad comment bc we had just known each other a couple months and I was thinking "oh crap, I hardly know this guy and this was def not in my plans and totally accidental".  Nevertheless, he was REALLY supportive through that and I grew in appreciation for him and promised him that after some time, when we actually get to know each other if we want to try to get pregnant, we can. 
I do not think he will come here again. I think he was wounded badly when I turned him away and more than likely, he may have another person.  When we briefly broke up before, he'd met someone and had already had sex with that girl within a few day period. 
We never really "broke up" I guess.  I did research and figured he has BPD about a month ago and started reading "I hate you, dont leave me" and was trying to use the SET technique and work with him but the accusations just kept on and it started to wear on me.  I developed a hypervigelant way of being around him. Anytime my phone would go off, he'd say "is that your other guy you're fkng" or something like that.  On the night he came here, he insisted that he had to come inside or he would "NEVER" talk to me again. 

This is a person who literally told me he would never leave me and that I was the love of his life and now I cannot have even a word about how there was nothing going on for him to be paranoid about in the first place! I just did not want him to come inside and flip out.   

[spero]

Hi unitchr,

I join Mutt in welcoming you to the forums. Sending you greetings!
Wow, it's really tough to have so many things to be dealing on your plate now.

How are you feeling inside there in your heart right now? Alot of what you're going through right now isn't probably making any sense and leaving quite abit of confusion and frustration.

Takeheart, we're here to listen

Yours,
Spero

[unitchr]

@spero   and @Mutt   Thank you for welcoming me.  I am completely spinning. I have seen a therapist and been put on a low does of anti anxiety meds. I am reading a lot and still finding the cognitive dis SO overwhelming.  I do not understand how somehow I AM BEING BLAMED. 
I was accused of being a prostitute (he said he had 'proof')
I was accused of being a coke addict (he said he had proof)
I was accused of cheating on him with every friend I had... .even people I brought him around to meet in an effort to help him feel at ease that these people were not a 'threat' to him... .he accused me of cheating on him with them.

So, slowly I stopped hanging with my friends. Once I got pregnant and he told me that he wanted to have a family, our bond intensified and the arguments got more intense.  At one point he admitted that he has "a problem" and that he will get an idea in his head and that is all he sees as reality even though he may feel its not.  That was just SUCH torture.  I tried to be patient but it got so constant that every other day he was hurling some accusation at me. 

When he came over the other night, we had agreed to just being friends and I mentioned I'd be open to seeing a movie but he just assumed that meant that night, he came over and once I made him leave (holding my own boundary) he cut me off and has not talked to me since. 
I had to relay the message through a friend of his that i am once again pregnant and that friend said "don't you see how much damage you have already caused him? He wants nothing to do with you.  Have the baby, get a paternity test and then maybe he will respond".

I feel crushed and lost.