Husband Crisis Management, Also Just Figuring Out After 17 yrs about his BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

 
I'm joining this message board because I'm figuring out that my husband has BPD after 17 years of wondering what it is... .and why I haven't left.  

Have a husband with so many layers of issues and baggage don't know where to start.  We a have a pending crisis (his trial for careless driving ending in death).

It truly was a tragic accident that anyone could have been involved in (he stopped at the stop sign, waited for traffic to clear, looking into the sun, did not see the oncoming driver and pulled out in front of him.  Other driver was in a jeep without a seat belt - swerved to miss and was ejected, died after 11 days on life support.

Judge won't let fact that other driver had no seat belt be introduced - which is probably the biggest contributor to the cause of death as a result of what otherwise would have been a fairly minor accident.  

It appears to many objective people he is getting wrongfully prosecuted.  This is leading him to exhibit all the classic symptoms/characteristics of BPD (that he has exhibited since I've known him) including severe mood swings, depression, I love you - I hate you, go away, you don't care enough, you aren't supportive enough, etc. and I'm about to break.  He also belittles our 15-year old daughter.  Won't seek therapy.  

My daughter and I are both in therapy which in part led me to this resource.  Can't wait to compare notes and get/give support from/to others here.

[IamWoman]

 
I'm joining this message board because I'm figuring out that my husband has BPD after 17 years of wondering what it is... .and why I haven't left.  

Have a husband with so many layers of issues and baggage don't know where to start.  We a have a pending crisis (his trial for careless driving ending in death).

It truly was a tragic accident that anyone could have been involved in (he stopped at the stop sign, waited for traffic to clear, looking into the sun, did not see the oncoming driver and pulled out in front of him.  Other driver was in a jeep without a seat belt - swerved to miss and was ejected, died after 11 days on life support.

Judge won't let fact that other driver had no seat belt be introduced - which is probably the biggest contributor to the cause of death as a result of what otherwise would have been a fairly minor accident.  

It appears to many objective people he is getting wrongfully prosecuted.  This is leading him to exhibit all the classic symptoms/characteristics of BPD (that he has exhibited since I've known him) including severe mood swings, depression, I love you - I hate you, go away, you don't care enough, you aren't supportive enough, etc. and I'm about to break.  He also belittles our 15-year old daughter.  Won't seek therapy.  

My daughter and I are both in therapy which in part led me to this resource.  Can't wait to compare notes and get/give support from/to others here.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi I Am Woman,

Sorry to hear about the circumstances that have brought you here, but glad you are here!

Can you tell us more about your husbands symptoms over the years? What led you suspect BPD in the first place? I can imagine how a crisis like this could exacerbate his behaviors!  He does need support, but you shouldn't be made to suffer.

I am also sorry to hear about this tragic accident that took a life. Yes, it does sound like that could happen to anyone. Does it appear as if your husband's case will lead to a very serious outcome for him? I know how hard it can be when your life gets pulled into the legal system. Suddenly your future is out of your hands and the stress is extremely high.

What led to you and daughter going into therapy? Issues in the relationship with your husband?

Thank you, yes, it is great when members both receive and give support to others! The more you are active, the better people can follow your story and provide insights and support!

Have you seen the lessons to the right of the board yet?  

wishing you peace, pearl.

[snowglobe]

Dear @IamWoman,
I’m so glad you were able to find your way to this forum, it’s been a source of a continuous support and a helping hand I held during my hardest times while dealing with my unpeg. You are safe here, you will also get a lot of useful resources and knowledgeable people, who can help you with whatever direction you choose to go.
I’m so deeply sorry to hear that life dealt you with not only uBPDh, but also the tragic aftermath of his actions. As hard as it might be on him, you are also a part of this whirlwind. It’s commendable And admireablw that you are looking out for yourself and your daughter, you are giving both of you a chance to heal with the professional help. I want to know what other resources you have to support you. Tell us more about your history with uBPDh. From my own experience, it takes a while to put the name to the “crazy side”, however deep inside you always know that there is something more to the swings.