He doesn't talk to me after a perfect weekend?

[FaithfulInLove]

Hey everyone!

So this weekend I met my long distance ex again after half a year of not seeing each other.

I want him back like crazy, you know that if you've read any of my other posts. I have so much love for him.

We've planned that meet up for two months, a day before we met he texted me that he's dating someone else - which broke my heart of course as I wanted a chance to turn things around...

I stayed cool in text messages, tried to stay cool in person as well but must admit I had to cry heavily in front of him a few times and just told him I was scared that we won't see each other so soon again and that I missed him.
Rest of the weekend was perfect. We spent it as friends and had much fun, laughing a lot, connecting amazingly...

But now... .

We've been here for an event - I don't know what happened during the show, seemed like he got hurt? Not sure. He stopped talking to me then...

I asked him if he was okay, he said "yeah." I was in tears because of how cold he was to me, I've seen he was not okay, he didn't even look at me - I don't know the reason.

He went to bed straight when we came back to the hotel - without looking at me, without saying a word. I had to cry so much, took some time, locked myself into the bathroom.

Then I got back to him, asked him if I did something wrong. He said no.
Asked him if he wanted to sleep. He said "yeah, night... ."
He's sleeping now.

I'm a bit shocked how he just let me crying as I don't know him like that. He usually asks at least if I'm alright and gives me a hug if he sees I'm not. No good night hug tonight, not giving me any reason

How to react right to such a situation? Really don't know what's wrong! He's leaving tomorrow morning, l would love to have this solved before...

If he wakes up and act as if nothing has happened, do l bring it up?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[CryWolf]

What do you hope for to happen once you both leave after the event?

Do you think social event may have put a strain on him? Raised some insecurities? Might be upset with the girl he’s currently dating?

Could also be that he knows you both are separating tomorrow so he creating distance between you two. Just a possibility. What do you think?

[FaithfulInLove]

What do you hope for to happen once you both leave after the event?

Do you think social event may have put a strain on him? Raised some insecurities? Might be upset with the girl he’s currently dating?

Could also be that he knows you both are separating tomorrow so he creating distance between you two. Just a possibility. What do you think?

Thank you, Crywolf, but I don't know, those questions upset me a bit. Of course I want them to break up fast as possible so he doesn't have a reason to not get back together with me.

I don't think they are having problems, he's been sending hearts to her all night long next to me, but I can't know for sure. Yeah, it was all stressful, but isn't that a thing he could just tell me?

Why would he wanna create distance? We had a good weekend, I'm all confused

[CryWolf]

Im sorry those questions upset you. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves those questions. Especially when we become one track minded on a specific outcome or situation. It’s hard to see things when you have rose colored glasses as everhthing seems fantastic in a sense.

What we do know is that he seems to have high interest in this other person, and I know that hurts to hear. I think right now you have to accept that and let that relationship take its course. You don’t want him to ever resent you if you broke that relationship up. This is a scenario that could or could not happen.

I’m not sure why he would create distance like that. But with BPD behavior it’s not uncommon. For example, me and my ex went on a beautiful picnic together. Everything was amazing. Then on the way to the car she changed. Later I put clues together and think there were attractive  girls there and she became insecure and probably thought I was staring ar them when I was not.

He could have his own reasons, I wish we could know why but hopefully he will bring it up. If not, let it pass and try to make the best of the last day. Keep us posted

[FaithfulInLove]

I'm scared I ruined a lot at the meet up because the whole situation overwhelmed me so... .

He woke up and kept being ignorant and a bit rude for like 20 minutes, I didn't blame him, stayed calm and polite with him and then everything was alright again and we talked and laughed together.

Just... it was the last few hours of us seeing each other and I really couldn't stop myself from crying... .a lot!
He partly ignored it and was on his phone/dancing to songs on his phone, but also took me in his arms a few times and said it was okay... .

He kept texting his girlfriend all the time and even got her a present when I stood next to him. That hurt me so!

When he left I sent him an apology text for the crying, have told him in all honesty that there has to be so much more healing done on my side... .He took his time to answer me, says he appreciates it... .

I really see he's the one of us who just moved on and is a decent friend (with a disorder) and I'm the one having the real problems here... .Being obsessed and kind of wanting to get my will/have him back so I can be happy again... .

I hope I can get to a state of mind where he can respect me more in soon... .I'll definitely go and date some other people, hoping it will help me and make him see I'm accepting the friendship for now... I'm just scared someone else will get hurt... .By me?
Because if he only wanted me back I don't think I'd care a lot to lose someone else... .: (

I love him the most... we both have a level of weirdness that I can't find in anyone else... .

[CryWolf]

Maybe you shouldnt date. It’s okah not to date. Spend time alone or friends and learn to love yourself and find your inner self. Do what you love and the rest will follow.

[FaithfulInLove]

I'm not so sure. I feel like I need someone I can trust. I hate being around groups of people so much, I was always happy alone, but since I can't stop crying for a whole year I feel like a new person to become attached to is my only way out of this heavy depression. Someone I can count on, you know? I just can't imagine detaching from him. I don't even want to because he's so perfect to me.

[CryWolf]

Make platonic friends? Or if anything join an online dating app?

[FaithfulInLove]

I'll try to... .

I don't know how to talk to him now.
We had an amazing time, he kept saying I don't have to be sad, we'll see each other again as friends.

How much am I supposed to pull back when I see that he is not taking to me so much now that we're home? Or maybe that's just a feeling... .Actually it really was me taking my time with the messages... .But really don't know how I should approach all this now... .

[CryWolf]

Take a step back. The dynamic of the relationship is just friends now. There will be some days where you guys won’t talk. That’s how most friendships are.

Keep yourself busy, start new hobbies. Anything to keep your mind busy and heal.

Are you currently seeing a therapist? This would be a huge first step as it has helped many of us.

[jukeboxhero]

When he left I sent him an apology text for the crying, have told him in all honesty that there has to be so much more healing done on my side... .He took his time to answer me, says he appreciates it... .

Why are you apologizing for crying? You have nothing to apologize for. Your emotions deserve to be validated too.

I just can't imagine detaching from him. I don't even want to because he's so perfect to me.

If he was so perfect, he wouldn't be hurting you so much.

Also, I agree with CryWolf on seeing a therapist. It would help in the healing process. Maybe a support group too.

[FaithfulInLove]

Hello you two

I'm seeing a therapist since our breakup, so for a whole year already, I'm not sure if it helps

I think if we were talking everyday until now it would be damn sad if this changed now... .We really had a lot of fun together, jiggling all day long, being playful with each other - whenever he hasn't been on his phone and I haven't been crying... .

He is quite silent today, so I'm supposed to pull back too, yeah?

[FaithfulInLove]

That smiley was not supposed to be placed there, sorry

He is ignoring my messages since I'm home although he's obviously online and even liking my posts... .

He tweets aggressively much and calls his girlfriend the one name he's always called me... .: (

We've been talking daily since July, that he's pulling back right after the meet up scares me - we had so much fun and this was supposed to bring us CLOSER!

Shouldn't I try and talk to him about the situation in any way? Is that okay that he's ignoring me so aggressively, posting that although he knows I'm hurting so much?

[CryWolf]

You went to this event wanting more and it was one sided. You had your hopes up for an outcome that was in your favor. You knew he was in a relationship before he got there. He showed signs of him being happy in his relationship in front of you. He wants friendship with you and has stated this to you. You do not. You want more.  He is not responsible for your feelings. And you are not responsible for his.

You can continue to do what you’ve been doing or try a different approach that many members have suggested on here.

He can call his partner pet names as he pleases.i know it hurts seeing that.  It’s what couples do. He probably isn’t responding to you because he doesn’t want a conversation. I do this with my friends and vise versa. We will open snaps or like posts but won’t reply to texts until later.

You can try and talk about the situation but what will you do when he gives you the answer you don’t want?

[macarena]

He is ignoring my messages since I'm home although he's obviously online and even liking my posts... .

He tweets aggressively much and calls his girlfriend the one name he's always called me... .: (

We've been talking daily since July, that he's pulling back right after the meet up scares me - we had so much fun and this was supposed to bring us CLOSER!

Shouldn't I try and talk to him about the situation in any way? Is that okay that he's ignoring me so aggressively, posting that although he knows I'm hurting so much?

Hi Faithful,

I am sorry you are hurting. I know having less contact with a loved one hurts. Take it from someone who currently has none.

I think there is something you need to consider if you want to keep the contact/ friendship and maybe better your chances at being with him romantically (maybe, in the future). For now, he is with that girl, and there is no magical way to change that overnight. It needs to run its course. It might end soon, it might not, you have no control over that, you have to wait (if you choose to). But in the meantime, if you continue closely monitoring their online interactions and striving for more and more contact with him, it might be a recipe for failure, because it will take a toll both on your emotional health and on your relationship with him. For now, you need to focus on yourself (I know, much easier said than done). I guess there are other people in your life that you love and you can rely on. There are surely things that you enjoy doing, places you enjoy going... .In case this current relationship ends at some point, you'll have a much better chance with him if you are emotionally stable and ok with yourself.

[FaithfulInLove]

Crywolf, the thing is how this was a big issue in our relationship and how he's doing all this now to hurt me.

This is the bettering board and I am sorry to say this but I don't think the questions you ask me are helpful in any way to better my situation with him.
It sounds really negative and demotivating what you write to be honest. At the moment he is doing everything to hurt me. He has full control over me and I don't know how to step out of there without ruining all my chances. What he's doing is reckless torture, not what a close friend should do.


Thank you so much, Macarena! I'm afraid you're right and I gotta focus on myself now. The thing is that since the break up I feel into massive depression, there's barely anything that can make me smile and barely anyone's company I can stand. I'm a horrible friend to be honest, because all I want is talking about him and getting advice on my situation. The ones who want me to give up are blocked by now because they are stealing my motivation and make things worse... Being with my family is nearly impossible as l know talking about him will get us into fights and there is just nothing else on my mind.
I'll try to take your advice though, to really distract myself while all that ___ is happening, hoping it will break down fast as possible.