I would not assume this was a covert operation.
I wouldn't go as far as 'covert'. I'd go as far as her friend likely has much interest in who this guy is and, covert or not, he is reporting back.
I think it is now very clear that something happened at the beginning or the month and she shut down.
I think it is clear that her biggest concern, not having met my mothers is the issue. He was clear to me it was a huge one. She was clear all night and in multiple texts how happy meeting her made her.
She also led off with my mother discussing how hard she works, how she studies English until 10pm then starts working on her second business in China which requires her to be working with 12 hour time change and how tired she is. I think it was a clear message to me (and possibily my mother they would assume knows something about this) that she was indeed working her butt off and not blowing off their son.
Clearly I could have mis-read everything; she was thrilled about having a month with me, she got busy, invited me to Shen Yu the next week, had her elder friends all tell me how much she liked me and how much she appreciated me and I over-reacted the next week.
I think way more is/was at play then my 'break-up' and she is not s-ing me that she was insanely busy those two weeks (as her weChat log shows).
I read last night as "I thought you didn't want me to know where you lived or meet your family and I am so happy you wanted me to and did and so happy to find out it fits with everything I thought about you". I can discern between politeness and joy
1. You don't want to trigger any of that again. I think "breaking up for cause" is a much bigger thing than you realize. Saving face is really important and it is not looked upon as an passing event, it is looked upon more as a scratch in the furniture. The important thing is to not go there again. I might be wrong, but do you want to take that chance?
Not sure where I am taking the chance or implied I would be. I think the break-up or reprimand even is water under the bridge. She has now invited me in one evening and a follow-up to come to her home and to be with her in Chengdu at least 6 times. When I say "It is so good to see you again" and she says "You too. You come to me in Chengdu?" I think we are well past it. In any event, the only way to 'go there again' would be to jump down her throat. I'm simply going to dinner and enjoying her. She clearly made some decision during and after dinner to extend the invitation to (finally) be alone with her ("just you and me! ") and follow-up with yet another invite to come live with her.
It's a positive comment. I wouldn't extrapolate it beyond that. Asian's are very polite and gracious and very much about saving "face". Southerners do this too. Remember, you are an an elder and he is showing you respect.
"Thanks for such a nice night the food was great and your mother is charming" is a positive comment. "the most wonderful night I have since I've been in the states" is far more than that. It allows for some extrapolation at least ;)
Letter's are romantic. Do you have someone that can do this that is confidential?
He is the only Chinese person I know and would not want to put him in the middle, especially since he is not impartial. I'd probably hire someone.
Knowing how much she respects your use of her language, do you want to do this more as a gift - surprise her with a translated letter before she leaves or just after she leaves? Do you want to leave it up to her as to how she responds?
I don't mind leaving it up to her as I'm 99% sure she would respond quite favorably. That said I think your idea is excellent and a much more eloquent way to make a case for the whole idea anyway. So I'll draft a letter, have someone translate it, put it in a sealed envelop and likely I'll then ask him if he has a way to get it to her (w/o warning her first). She has moved out of her building and is with friends and I don't yet have the address of her home that she has now invited me to come stay with her at at least 25 times since I met her But good idea Skip!