A decent day w/DD and then she exploded at GS

[LoveOnTheRocks]

Hi OH:  I am just reading the thread for the first time.  I am actually crying my way through this.  I wish I had better experience so that I could give you my solid advice and wisdom, but I just dont.  Like you said in a prior post on this thread, I don't feel qualified at all to say anything on this thread.  I have been following along and what I keep seeing is a lot of hurt and pain, and I am not sure what words I could share that would help heal any of it.  I am simply admiring how much care and attention you take in talking with your daughter.  Noone does it perfect... .noone... .even your daughter would have to admit that she doesn't, either... .but we all try, as best we can, to love each other, and especially our children and grandchildren.
You are such a beautiful person and you will be in my heart as this week passes and your DD and GS move out.  I can barely type that, it makes me so sad, because I am feeling that it is making all of you so sad. I have no idea if I am messing anything up as I type and cry with/for you... .boy am I am SERIOUS BLUBBERING mess right now... .but I just want you to know I care and I can see so clearly that you do, too. 
I am hugging you with some serious fervor in my heart!
LoTR.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[once removed]

im cheering too, OH  

well if that helped, please know i get it wrong regularly  . murray bowen, the author of family systems theory, whos work a great many of the lessons and tools here are built on, said he only gets it a little right on a good day. i dont think he was just being humble.

i think you got it right; killed it. while sometimes its a good idea to move past things, and sometimes an apology can even validate the invalid, most of the time, its just ownership, and it builds bridges. i think it was a wise and mature move that came from good instincts with good timing.

pay close attention to your words not only (though perhaps especially) in that instance, but all of the other examples. theyre sincere. theyre from the heart. they connected. that is what validation (or just listening with empathy) is at its core; thats when it really works.

She said, "I love you too, mom."
... .
I took a shower today.

my heart is warmed by reading that. thats a great ending to your night.

[Only Human]

Thanks for the hug, LotR - I really appreciate your support and your kind words.  

well if that helped, please know i get it wrong regularly  . murray bowen, the author of family systems theory, whos work a great many of the lessons and tools here are built on, said he only gets it a little right on a good day. i dont think he was just being humble.

Yes, it helps. And now to learn that Murray Bowen didn't do it right all the time either - - perhaps now I can put to rest the idea that if I blow it, I've blown it forever.

pay close attention to your words not only (though perhaps especially) in that instance, but all of the other examples. theyre sincere. theyre from the heart. they connected. that is what validation (or just listening with empathy) is at its core; thats when it really works.

I will do so and continue to strive for less worrying about "doing it right" and more concentration on loving and caring for my DD.

Thanks for continuing to provide feedback, encouragement, and support, OR. I am so grateful.

~ OH

[Harri]

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