I’m recently divorced from ex wife who is BPD

[once removed]

You’re that makes sense, guess my ego is still a bit in shambles.

thats understandable. gotta be kind and gentle with yourself. it wont help your ego to compare yourself with her or anyone. what will help are things like surrounding yourself with loved ones, getting back into old hobbies/skills that perhaps went by the wayside, and one piece of advice i got was to pour myself into new ones... .learning new hobbies/skills is a great confidence booster.

I guess I’m still grieving the relationship, I’m hoping that part will go away soon, I don’t think the holidays help.

the holidays can be the toughest. weve got your back here.

it will help you feel more connected to join in the threads of others, too; you and those you join.

[mims]

Sweetpea, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I can relate to it.

I share a child with my ex and it made it easier to detach when we had no contact and made exchanges through nursery. What are her reasons for not wanting this?

That gap between your mixed feelings for your ex and your commitment to whats best for you and for your children is confusing and difficult to handle. Its like the emotions are so much slower and need to catch up with the mind. I had a breakdown before things started getting a little better and I was more in balance. I guess it is natural to want to understand, to figure things out and also to mainly see things from our own point of view. I struggle with accepting that my ex and I are very different and that I cannot understand.

I understand the pain of not being important enough for a person to want to change. And it is frustrating to have feelings of guilt for not being able to do things differently or better. Im trying to figure out why I have these feelings.

[Sweetpea18]

Thanks for sharing mims, I have no idea why she still wants to meet up, she has agreed to change the schedule in January so that is a blessing, I agree with what you say, the heart isn’t catching up to the head, but it’s progressing. Balance is coming, she tries at times to have random conversation and I think she thinks we’re going to be friends, which is not that case. I really don’t know what she thinks cause she doesn’t share and when she does, it’s usually something out of anger or way off topic. Unfortunately, I didn’t know she has this until months after we separated, until I started my own therapy and journey away from her and co-dependency, but even if I did, it wouldn’t have changed her behavior, as she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with her... .it’s every one else... .

[Sweetpea18]

I have this logical mind that has to make sense of things,  I have become obsessed with learning about BPD, maybe to explain and justify my decisions and to convince myself I made the right choice for myself and my kids by leaving a situation that was getting more explosive and violent by the days. But still mourning the loss of the life and marriage I wanted all my life, I wanted her to be who I thot she was and for us to live a long happy life, all things that aren’t going to happen together now and I’m sad about that I guess. I know in life great men walk a lonely path at times, but being lonely is hard sometimes, but my kids are happy and we don’t live on egg shells anymore, and I guess my ex wife has found happiness and peace with her new love, so I’m the end, this was obviously for the better, but it’s hard when life doesn’t play out the way I wanted despite how good I was and hard I really tried... .

[Sweetpea18]

Thanks once removed, your words make a lot of sense.