How is everyone feeling? This can be a difficult time of year.

[JNChell]

How is everyone feeling. Stressed over the inevitable visits? Lonely, perhaps? Relieved? How are you are all feeling during this holiday season?

[Turkish]

The thanksgiving trip to see my mom was aborted due to him having the croup.

I get the kids the week after Christmas.  I plan on taking us to visit and also to the snow.  Since I gave up consetvatorship of my mother to the county, I haven't heard anything. 

My ex sis-in-law asked me last week if I wanted to be part of their family's secret Santa. I declined. I know I'm invited. Maybe I'm passive aggressive,  but I plan to go hiking. 

My mother's mind is shot. I'm not sure what to bring her.  Maybe pictures of the kids. 

[Harri]

I think pictures would be a great idea Turkish.  Maybe some bring some music to play for her.  Not to leave there as it may disappear but she might brighten up a bit.  It works wonders for a lot of people with Alzheimers. 

Hiking sounds good.  I might take a ride to the beach.  It is a short drive and I will be able to stretch.  There is one area I want to go to as it is easy to walk and has benches to stop at along the way so I will be fine and will be able to stretch.  I am invited to my brothers and will go if I am having a good day health wise but it is a long drive for me.  We shall see.  Either way, I will be fine and enjoy myself.

Thanksgiving is usually harder for me than Christmas so I feel like I got through the tough one very well this year, and I can do the same for Christmas.   I don't have disordered parents or family to deal with anymore, just myself.  I feel very fortunate in that. 

JNChell, how about you?  How are you doing?

[JNChell]

Turkish, I hope your son is better. I’ve been absent from the boards for a bit and I’m catching up.

My ex sis-in-law asked me last week if I wanted to be part of their family's secret Santa. I declined. I know I'm invited. Maybe I'm passive aggressive,  but I plan to go hiking.

You’re not being passive aggressive. Perhaps you’re choosing fresh air, nature and a work out instead of discomfort. I read in another post where Gargl recommended that you buy the T.V. Go hiking.

My mother's mind is shot. I'm not sure what to bring her.  Maybe pictures of the kids.

I’ll get on board with Harri and say that that is a good idea. My grandma had Alzheimer’s (dad’s side). She remembered visuals. Nostalgia. Don’t expect her to remember everything, but for your own self care, decide what you want her to possibly remember in the moments that she sees it. Music is always good.

[JNChell]

Hi, Harri. The beach sounds great. I haven’t been in a long time. I’m afraid to go more than knee deep in the ocean, but the sound and view are really something to me. I live inland, so it’s not my normal. It’s a great escape to experience the ocean.

I don't have disordered parents or family to deal with anymore, just myself.  I feel very fortunate in that.

Yeah. I don’t really know what to say beyond that right now that would be productive. So, yeah.

JNChell, how about you?  How are you doing?

Well, after pulling the pin on my own hand grenade and surviving it, I’m doing fine. I’m lonely, but it is what it is. I need to be by myself right now. I seek company when I need it the most, but I know that I need to be able to be alone with myself which is something I’ve never been good at. Maybe my attachment style is insecure. I’ll have to read up on that a bit.

I’m sorry to be so honest, but for the most part, holidays don’t mean much to me and they haven’t for a long time. For middle class folks, my parents made a lot of money and showered my sister and I in gifts (material  :cursing. Where I am now, I needed parental love and protection. Nope. It’s ok though. I’m wading through those waters.

Now, I just want the holidays to mean something for my son. The magical part of it. The anticipation. The waking up and running out of his room to see that Santa had come. I’m used to forming my own opinions around holidays and consumerism. Maybe that’s my protective shield.

[Harri]

Hi JNChell.  I know you are struggling right now.  It will get better but it will take time too.  Can you see any of the positive changes in you since you started therapy and working on this board?  I can.  I know you will on your own, but I just want to encourage you and say keep going and working.  You are worth it.

I am glad you can focus on making Christmas magical for your son this year.  I don't know when kids stop believing, but my nephew will be 11 on the 17th and he still believes.  haha  Love that kid.  he is so smart and funny, but still believes in Santa.  His eyes sparkle when he talks about it. 

[Turkish]

S8 told me last week that Santa was made up by parents,  that he was a myth.  I asked D6 what she thought. "Myth!" I said  that it was too bad that they believed this and that they would only get one present each this year, what I agreed to buy for them from the Amazon catalog. 

They believe again.  Ditto for the elf on the shelf.  "It's not just a doll.  He's real!" Yes he is.  And he'll take your presents back to the north pole to distribute to "the poor kids" if you don't believe. 

[Harri]

Good job Turkish!  Make them believe! 

[JNChell]

Hey, Harri. Your nephew sounds like a great kid. At 42, I wish Santa were real. This is an anonymous group, so yeah, I said that.  

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. It makes all the difference. I’m going to push through this until I’m, well, through it. The other half of my life is on the other side of this stuff. I have recognized changes in myself. Along with that, I’ve recognized more that needs to be dealt with. Thanks again.

[JNChell]

Turkish, that was some awesome guerilla parenting! Kudos at making sure your kids get to be kids.