I've had a string of failed relationships, have a high sense of self (even though I often realize it doesnt translate to "actual success" when I write/talk about it) and am very detached most of the time.
So I might be on the NPD spectrum. Am I diagnosable? I don't think so, but maybe thats the PD talking.
Anyway, my dad has some major BPD/NPD traits, and this in particular strikes me as interesting in terms of differences.
Which differences do I see?
The NPD is easier to respond to, just keep "feeding it" and it subsides for a while. Sort of like the kid that keeps giving you drawings and you're like "oh look how well you did!" every time. Only when you stop feeding do you become the target.
The BPD actually doubts you for saying good things, they want you to know how they are feeling, up to and including reading their mind. they want you to help trash their demons even if the demon is some inconsequential grievance by someone else. When you don't,
you become the demon.
From my own experience NPD's are not as devoid of emotions as portrayed, its an impenetrable metal armor more than a robot with the face of a person. BPD's break down, NPD's "toughen up".
mom uBPD I couldn’t predict what was going to happen [... .] Dad unpd, was and is very predictable and I can become more of a persecutor or enabler to him. As sick as it is I can predict what he is up to
Yep, because being "perfect" is being predictable, you can "outmaneuver" them. Being emotional is being impulsive, and since there's a delay/fail in communication, you can't possibly react fast enough to their current state of mind.