roaddogma
Fewer than 3 Posts
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: January 12, 2019, 10:06:32 PM » |
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We fell in love in 2000 and our connection was unbelievable. Then one day she shared some sensitive information from her past, and perceived me rejecting her. The following 4 months she seemed very detached, then something sparked a new passion on New Years. We married in 2001, and faced some difficult life challenges through the years marked with fights that I had a difficult time making sense of, yet we maintained a very strong emotional bond, however my self esteem eroded over the years for various reasons.
My wife became involved with a psychotherapy cult in 2012. The focus of the cult was on healing trauma and repressed memories through age regressive self hypnosis, resulting in memory alterations and an identity of a victim, who could not trust her family. Her perspective of me and our relationship changed radically in the negative. My wife started pushing me away and sought attention from other men. She demanded a divorce in 2016 citing alleged abuses during our relationship that made no sense. She presented papers for me to sign and went in to a rage demanding that I sign them on the spot. We were living apart and her life kind of fell apart within 3 months. She started dating a real predatory abuser and using drugs. I maintained as much contact by phone as possible to try to intervene in the cult situation. One day she sent some very paranoid texts on issues that could not be resolved. She was having some kind of breakdown and said she did not know who to trust. I flew out to see her the next day, and succeeded in my intervention. She said she was very near suicide the previous night. We reconciled and moved back in together and I have been able to support her while she heals and sues her cult therapist. She sought legitimate psychological evaluation and was diagnosed with BiPolar 2. We also had a few sessions with a couples counselor who suggested to me that she was likely BPD. Reading about BPD has brought a lot of clarity on the past 18 years with my wife.
My wife identifies with the BP diagnosis but refuses to learn anything about BPD. She has dropped all of our previous friends for perceived attacks. Because I have offered the perspective that she may have misinterpreted some of the attacks, she feels invalidated, and has stated that she can not trust me to protect her because I did not stand up for her. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and have stopped associating with our old friends, and we have developed some new ones. She has not been able to get over me "not standing up for her" and bringing that friend into our lives 10 years ago. She rented a room behind my back, stopped wearing her ring, and changed her Facebook status to divorced last September with the intent to move out. She seemed really conflicted about her decision and flip/flopped a few times. The new living situation turned out to not be ideal, and she decided to give us another shot. We saw a couples therapist a few times. One of my wife's complaints has been that I appear uncomfortable in social situations. I said that my confidence has been shaken because of the stress in our relationship and related it to her past infidelity. When I asked if that was an issue now, she became angry and has refused to continue therapy. There has been increased anger, blame, projection. I read "Stop Walking on Eggshells" a few days ago and can see that trying to defend the false accusations has been a mistake. I have tried to be there for her in every way I can, and there is always something not satisfied. I believe one of my mistakes has been to tolerate all of her bad behavior. There has been little consequence to her actions and she knows that I will always be there for her. I believe she has gone out with some other men in our social circle, and intends to move out as soon as she can afford to do so at this point. (Maybe a few weeks). She still makes commentary that makes me believe she doesn't actually want to loose me, but she hasn't had to face that as a possible consequence. I have suffered emotionally and psychologically the past 3 years, and it has gotten pretty bad the past few months, but I love my wife more than anything. I have tolerated more than I ever thought I would because my wife has also really been there for me in the past, and is an amazing human being. I would love to save/restore our relationship, but I can't take much more. I feel that if I was the one initiating a separation at this point she may reconsider everything, but I don't know... .
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